Our Life|| Dan Howell X Reader

THE INCIDENT

TRIGGERING WARNING, I'LL TELL YA WHEN

(Your POV)
"Hey, Y/N want to go Christmas shopping with me and Phil tomorrow?" Dan asks as soon as you plop yourself on the couch next to him.

"Uh, sure." You nod. "Why not."

It wasn't until the next day that the fear rose up in you. Deep down you knew it was there, but once it was laid out in front of you, and you had to deal with it, you froze.

"Come on, Y/N, the taxi's here." Phil says, handing you your coat.

"Thanks Phil." You mumbled, taking your coat from him.

"Are you okay?" He suddenly asks.

"Yeah, fine-" I have to stop using that word. "I'm okay, Phil. Thanks. Let's go."

Once you get outside and see the taxi, your heart stops. You stop dead in your tracks and your stomach began to twist.

"Y/N?" Dan asks, stepping in front of you.

Your face was pale. Phil pale. You felt your hands begin to shake so you shoved them in your pockets. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, forcing yourself to look Dan in the eyes.

"Yes?"

"What are doing? Come on." Dan says, softly, almost as if he's seconding guessing himself.

"Why don't we just walk?" You ask, your voice trembling.

"Because it's fifteen miles away. Plus you're not fully healed from your accident." Dan says, looking down into your eyes.

You nod, looking away.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Dan asks, holding your waist since he couldn't hold your hands, because you were hiding them in your pockets.

"Dan, I can't get in that taxi." You mumble, voice shaking. You looked at the ground, too scared to look up at him.

Dan takes a deep breath, looking back at the taxi. And then he finally gets it. He hesitates before nodding, trying to figure out the situation. "Right. Maybe we should wait, then."

"No, you guys go."

"I'm not leaving you, Y/N, you're scared."

You shrugged. "I will be scared if I get in it."

"Y/N, you don't have to right now, I don't want you to... But eventually you're going to have to face this fear." Dan says softly.

You nod. You knew that much. "I know." You whisper, sneaking a peek at his face before looking back down again.

Just then you get a thought. And you hate yourself for it because you've just made things worse.

What if what happened to me, happens to Dan and Phil? They cold get in a crash and not be as lucky to make it, as I did.

Your instinct was to grab Dan's arm. He jumped at the sudden movement but didn't back up. He moved closer. "Y/N? What's wrong?" You could hear the deep concern in his voice.

"I don't want you or Phil to get hurt either." You hold back the tears, staring at the ground.

Dan cups your face with his hand, forcing you to look up at him. Tears swim in your eyes but you won't let them fall.

"We're not gonna get hurt. I promise you, we'll be fine." He kisses your forehead. "But I think we're gonna stay here. We can go a different day."

"But-"