Our Life|| Dan Howell X Reader

It's Sadness

Y/F/N: Your Full Name

Your dad wanted to wait a bit before you did a service or funeral, to give himself time to process that he just lost, yet another, loved one. Jay wanted to be cremated so it wasn't like you were on a time limit with a body and everything.

Your family had still lived in the house you grew up in, along with your grandma, grandpa, aunt Tia, uncle Bob and three cousins Ed(22), Dave(14), and Ann(4).

It's been two days and everyone was moping around, keeping to themselves, and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey, Matt, I'm gonna fly home." You told him, your suitcase lugging behind you.

"What? Why?" He was sitting in his room at his desk.

"Because it's too sad here and I need space." You quickly said.

He nodded. "Are you going to go see Tyler before you leave?"

You nodded your head. "Yeah, I'll stop there."

"Good. He won't shut up about you."

"I miss him too." You smile. "Keep me updated on everything... and what we're gonna do about it all."

"Of course." He stood up and helped you with your bag.

~One plane ride to London, England later~

Hey
-Y/N

Hey, you ok?
-Dan

Your up?
-Y/N

couldn't fall asleep
-Dan

can i come over?
-Y/N

of course! your home already?!
-Dan

I didn't feel like staying.
-Y/N

Meet me in my room
-Dan

K
-Y/N

~~~

You slowly walked up the stairs, trying to make as little noise as you could, not wanting to wake Phil. You slowly open Dan's bedroom door.

The light is off, but he's in bed, scrolling on his phone. "Hey," He quickly turns it off, turning on the lamp.

"Hi." You say weakly, throwing your coat on a nearby chair.

He gives you a weak smile. "You okay?"

"Can I borrow pants?" You ask, ignoring the whole entire question.

He nods and you go to his dresser, slide off your skinny jeans, jumping into his big sweat pants. Dan watches you, and once you finish, he holds out his hand for you.

You grab it and he pulls you into the bed, hugging you tightly, resting you against him. "You okay?" He asks again.

You swallow, hesitating. "Fine." You mumble.

"No," Hs says, looking at your face. "Stop saying that. You're not fine. Look, Y/N, you don't have to put up this act with me. I want you to talk to me. I'm here for you. I want to take care of you,"

You look down at your shaking hands, feeling embarrassed. Dan softly takes your chin in his hand and raises your head to look at him. "You're not fine."

And now tears are spilling out of your eyes. "I'm sorry..." You whisper, trying to look away, but he won't let you. 

"You don't have to be sorry," He tells you. "I want you tell me. I want you to know that I'm here for you and that you can tell me anything. I... I lov- I like you a lot. More than you know." He pulls you into him and you burst into tears, crying in his chest.

He strokes your hair, rocking back and forth at a comfortable pace, comforting you. "It's alright." He whispers. "It's okay. You're okay."

You kept thinking it, just like you have a million times before; I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

"Dan?" You whispered.

"Yeah?" He whispered back, looking down at you.

"I... I..." I love you. "Thank you."

He smiled, softly. "It's what I'm here for." He snuggled you tighter, planting a kiss on your forehead.

~~~

You didn't do much. You didn't eat much. You just laid in bed. Dan came over. He talked to you, but you didn't say more than two words. F/N comes to check up on you everyday, try's to get you up, but you didn't do anything.

Phil came by, Louise came by, Zoe came by, Grace came by, Pj came by, everyone. And you hadn't said a word to anyone.

You were sad. Depressed. Lonely.

*Flashback
"Y/N, the night you came home, I told you you weren't alone. That you could talk to me." Dan was saying.

You stared at the wall.

"Come on, Y/N." Dan nudged your shoulder. "Please. Talk to me."

"Go away."

"Please... I want to talk to you. I want to make sure you're okay."

You were silent.

"Please..." His voice cracked.

You turned around, facing the back wall. "Alright..." Dan says weakly. "Forget it, then. Goodbye, Y/N."

He left slowly, waiting to see if you'd stop him from leaving. But you didn't. That's what was killing you the most. More than Jay.

Dan saying goodbye like he was leaving forever.
*Flashback Over

Then one day, Matt walks into your room.

"Y/F/N, YOU GET OFF OF YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW."

You jumped, turning to look at him. "THIS ISN'T YOU." He yells. "YOU DON'T GIVE UP. YOU DON'T STOP JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SAD. YOU DON'T STOP BECAUSE YOU THINK YOUR WORLD JUST CRASHED. YOU BOUNCE BACK. YOU ALWAYS BOUNCE BACK. GET UP RIGHT NOW. OR YOU'LL MAKE A YOUNG BROTHER MIDLEY DISAPPOINTED."

That got you on your feet. Matt flu in when F/N called him, mildly worried about you. You talked to him and you cried, and cried, and cried. It wasn't just Jay dying, it was everything. You haven't been talking to anyone about your feelings since you moved to London and they all just exploded after Jay. He was your trigger warning, and you blew up.

Hey guys!!! I'm back!! Sorry, there was just a lot going on. And I'm sorry that this chapter was kinda sad... Lol. Anyways, thanks so much for reading! follow, comment, do all dat. Love ya!!

~Hazel