Yoongi's Music [SUGA]

Music #57

Hindi ko kaya.

Hindi ko sya kayang makitang umiiyak ng ganito. Hindi ko sya kayang makitang nasasaktan ng ganito katindi. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na mas hindi ko kakayanin kapag mas pinili kong bitiwan ang kamay ng babaing hawak-hawak ko ngayon.

"O-oppa..." she continued to call for me then looked directly into my eyes. "O-oppa u-umuwi na tayo, huh? O-oppa..."

There is hope into her eyes.

There is hope into her voice.

There is hope that I will let go of Yuseon's hand and walk my way towards her.

And somewhere in my heart, I just have this urge to do that. To walk my way towards her and to wipe her tears away. I just have this urge to hug her so tight to stop her from her crying. To stop her from hurting too much like this.

But from the moment I felt Yuseon's hand that suddenly tightly held my hand, I quickly snapped out of it. Mas lalo nyang hinigpitan ang paghawak sa kamay ko na para bang ginigising nya ako sa katotohanan na hindi ko na pwedeng gawin yun. Hindi ko na pwedeng gawin yun dahil sa pagmamay-ari na nya ako.

Kaya nilunok ko ang sakit.

Nilunok ko ang matinding guilt na nararamdaman ko ngayon habang nakatingin parin sa babaing sinaktan ko.

And so I turned to J-hope.

Pero mas masakit pala.

From the moment I saw him standing there, just looking at us with those teary eyes, that unwanted guilt finally consumed me.

Mas masakit pa pala na makita mong nasasaktan ng ganito katindi ang taong naging kasangga mo at naging kasama mo ng ilang taon. Mas masakit pa pala na makitang nasasaktan ng ganito katindi ang dongsaeng mo. Ang kaibigan mo.

Gusto kong matawa.

Kaibigan.

Oo, kaibigan ko sya.

Puta, kaibigan ko sya pero heto ako. Heto ako at ninakaw ko ang kai-isang babaing nagpapasaya sa kanya. Heto ako ay hawak-hawak ko ang kamay ng kaisa-isang babae na alam kong sobrang mahal nya.

I can see that.

I can see from his teary eyes that I'm destroying him.

That I'm crushing him.

Fuck, I just stole his girl. I just stole that one and only girl that is most precious to him.

But I know that I can't escape from this. I can't escape from being such a complete bastard. Kung gusto kong maging masaya ay alam kong kailangan kong isakripisyo ang pagkakaibigan naming dalawa. Kung gusto kong maging masaya ay kailangan kong isakripisyo ang ilang taon na pinagsamahan namin.

Pero bakit ganun?

Bakit kailangan pang may isakripisyo ako para lang maging masaya ako? Bakit kailangan pang may itapon ako para lang maging masaya kaming dalawa ni Yuseon? Why do we need to hurt these two precious people into our lives just to get the happiness that we've always wanted? Bakit kailangang humantong ang lahat sa ganito?

The so much pain that is so visible into his face is making me tear up. Puta, nasasaktan din ako. Sa sobrang sakit na nakabaha sa mukha nya na para bang naiiyak na sya ay sobra-sobrang nasasaktan din ako. I'm his hyung. And no one can change that fact. It is just that I couldn't protect him from hurting anymore. I tried but now I realized that I can't.

And before I knew it, I just saw of how he finally broke down.

Alam kong kanina pa sya nagpipigil pero mukhang hindi na nga nya kinaya pa.