That Stupid List (A Seventeen Fanfic)

Chapter 59: Non-Committal

I think I like you too.

When Jin saw the text from Seokmin, she immediately deleted it. Sena could not possibly see it. It would hurt her so much.

The confession from Seokmin did not make Jin as happy as she probably should be. It made her nervous. It made her guilty, and it confused her so much. What was Seokmin doing to her? How could he just come at her out of no where, in the worst possible time, and tell her he liked her and kiss her like he did?

I just added to the list of things we need to resolve in our trip... he added a minute later.

Jin felt like she was going crazy.

Jin... answer me please.

Jin couldn't find it in herself to make her fingers type out a reply to him. She didn't know what to say. Her mind was almost completely blank when it came to him, and all she could think about was Sena and Vernon.

When Sena came back to the dorm after a counseling session, she was smiling. Seeing her after kissing Seokmin like that was almost painful for JIn. She could almost physically feel her chest ache.

Jin tried to act normal with Sena. She wasn't going to admit her mistake. She was not going to tell her anything at all. Sena already had enough to make her feel bad, and Jin really could not think of adding this betrayal to it.

-

That night, Jin received a text from Vernon. Frostbite! About tomorrow's date: I'll pick you up at 4:00 and we'll meet Seungcheol and Nayoung at the bus stop and go bowling~

Jin would not tell Sena about the betrayal, but she was certainly going to tell Vernon; Vernon could take a betrayal, and Sena couldn't.

She texted him back saying she needed to tell him something important.

After a couple more exchanges, they made the plan that Vernon would come to her an hour before the date the next day.

When the next day came, Jin felt extremely nervous about admitting her guilt to him.

She did not know what to expect. How would he react? Would he get angry? Would he be sad? Jin could not imagine that he would be sad, but she could imagine that he would be very spiteful. Jin had already internalized that the relationship was more or less over. It couldn't really carry on after what she did, and for some strange reason, she was regretful. It was over before it really had the chance to be anything, and all because she was too weak to say no to Seokmin.

They met outside of Jin's building. He greeted her with his usual friendly "Hey Frostbite!" Jin saw that she was also dressed up for the date, wearing a collared shirt and looking quite nice. She felt guilty as she came down in her typical jeans and t-shirt outfit.

They settled on one of the benches outside of her building. Jin's heart was beating out of control; she knew that whatever would come out of this conversation would not be good for her, and she wasn't very ready to face him with the truth.

"You're making me uneasy!" he said to her, "why do you look so sulky?"

She tried to smile to cover the sulkiness, but she could tell it came out extremely fake.

"Okay, I'm eager to know now," he said. "What did you want to tell me?" He looked at her expectantly. He didn't seem to expect anything bad or serious; on the contrary: he actually looked more cheerful than usual.

She stood up from the bench and bowed to him. When she stood upright, she admitted it, without beating around the bush: "Yesterday I was with Seokmin and he kissed me. I was too weak to stop him, or even to avoid kissing him back."