That Stupid List (A Seventeen Fanfic)

Chapter 29: Dirty

Jin had to go pick up Wonwoo from his class in about two hours, but she was finished with her own classes. She decided to go back to her dorm and maybe find Sena. Since that night when Sena had told her that she had something to say to her, they still had not found the opportunity to talk.

Jin was happy when she came the dorm and found Sena there. Sena was actually studying. It was a strange sight, Jin thought. Jin could not remember the last time that she saw Sena study.

"Hey," Jin greeted Sena.

"Jin," Sena turned to Jin and smiled, "is Wonwoo in class?"

"Yes," Jin replied, "I have to go get him in a bit."

"He's having a lot of trouble, isn't he?" Sena asked sadly.

Jin nodded, and she sat down on a chair beside her, "we need to talk."

Sena nodded. She closed her books and gave Jin her full attention: "I'm very sorry that we're drifting apart. I know it's my fault."

"No Sena. I'm the one that has been keeping so much from you."

Sena shook her head, "but it's my responsibility to talk to you. You're quiet and introverted; I've always known that. I noticed that you stopped talking to me, but I didn't do anything about it. I should have taken the initiative and asked you about all of the crap you were going through. But I didn't. Instead I made other friends and fell into a lot of trouble with them and now I just feel so..." Sena gulped. Her face went dark: "I feel so dirty."

"What kind of trouble?" Jin asked curiously.

"So much trouble," Sena replied, her eyes starting to tear up, "I drink a lot more than I ever did my entire life, that's one. But that's not the worse thing. A few weeks ago, something bad happened. I want to tell you, but you have to promise you won't tell anyone. Not Seokmin, not Wonwoo. Not anyone."

Jin nodded, eager to hear what Sena was experiencing.

"A few weeks ago, during midterms. I remember it was when you and Seokmin were meeting for something. Anyways, I was drunk, and neither Seokmin nor Wonwoo were with me. Some guy... he..." Sena began to cry. She covered her face with her hands and cried.

Jin understood.

She didn't know what to do. Her mouth was open in shock, and her body froze.

"He touched me and..." Sena continued in a muffled voice...

"You don't have to say it," Jin told Sena quickly, rubbing her arm comfortingly.

Sena nodded, sniffled and wiped her tears, "I felt so dirty, and ever since then I've just been so consumed with alcohol and dancing and clubs and... I failed all of my mid-terms, and I..."

Jin put her arm around Sena and hugged her, feeling a knot in her stomach. She felt so much guilt. How could she not have known about this? How could she have not helped Sena through it? All of her own problems seemed so small and stupid now.

Jin could not imagine how it felt. She just knew that it was traumatic, and that it would never be the same for a woman who has experienced it. Shes heard stories, and she knows that the women who undergo it feel messed up for the rest of their lives.

"I feel so dirty, Jin," Sena said, "and I needed someone to tell. I can't tell anyone else. I'm not close to the other girls, and Wonwoo and Seokmin would probably want to beat up the guy. And I know I don't deserve to talk to you after ignoring you for so long..."

"Sena, don't say that," Jin replied, "you're not dirty, and I was the one that was ignoring you. I'm so sorry."

"You don't understand, Jin. You really don't," Sena said as tears fell from her eyes, "what motivated all of this... what motivated me going crazy with the drinking. I was so jealous of you, Jin."