That Stupid List (A Seventeen Fanfic)

Chapter 42: A Second Time

Wonwoo watched as Jin darted away from him after class. He sighed sadly and let out a deep breath. He messed up with her; he knew it.

She probably feels so betrayed, he thought ashamed. He made one of his closest friends uncomfortable, and he couldn't get over it.

He didn't know why he kissed her, to be honest. You don't really kiss someone that you don't have feelings for in a romantic way, but for some reason, he did. At least, he thought that he didn't have romantic feelings for her. He was gay after all. That's how he always was. He did start questioning it for a while though: did he have feelings for her? Was there some straightness in him after all? The answer his brain gave him was this resounding no; no, Jin was like a sister to him, and of course he wasn't straight.

But, the heart was not so black and white. His feelings for Jin were certainly positive, so extremely positive. Probably more positive than they had been for any girl. But he wasn't so sure that it was romantic attraction.

What does romantic attraction even feel like, Wonwoo asked himself. He didn't really have any concrete method to distinguish it from other positive feelings. All he knew what that he did kiss her. He kissed her face and then her lips like it was the most natural thing in the world. It didn't feel wrong or uncomfortable at the moment; it only became so when he realized that this was a romantic gesture that he was showing a girl.

Maybe Wonwoo thought that it was just comfort for her, like it was showing her that she was loveable... and it just happened without him really thinking about what he was doing.

He remembered the moment after the kiss, when Jin asked him what he was doing, and it suddenly hit him what he had actually done. Everything became this big haze for him; this was the first time he had willingly and naturally kissed a girl. And it was confusing for him just as it was for her.

During class, he would sometimes look at her and try to make out what he thought of her. He imagined being with her – kissing her, holding her, and more. It honestly made him shudder to think about, but that was probably only because he was creeped out with himself for imagining it.

He was so confused.

-

When Sena saw Jin back in her room, she froze at the door. Jin did not even look up in her attempt to avoid Sena. She kept herself busy with her studies, completely ignoring her.

Sena silently made her way inside and said softly, "you don't want to talk to me, right?"

Jin didn't acknowledge the question.

"Okay," Sena said quietly when she got nothing from Jin. "I understand."

Sena sat at her desk and opened one of her books. Jin could have sworn that she heard Sena crying, but Sena was out the door before Jin had the chance to confirm it.

Jin actually considered going after her; she imagined that maybe Sena was hurt and was going through a hard time, but a voice inside of Jin's head was telling her to stand her ground and stop being so nice to her. Sena deserved to be ignored for once in her life.

Jin tried to go back to her studies, but the thought of Sena crying kept popping into her head and making her feel guilty. Jin felt like this was God punishing Jin for doing the selfish thing and ignoring he friend, rather her ex-friend.

She got a text from Wonwoo then, which she opened curiously. It was a picture of some of her belongings that she had forgotten in his bathroom.

Come over to pick them up, he wrote.