Temptation 2: Promises

Ch. 5 Dreams Or Reality? Pt. 2/3

I fee; like I was just been punched in the gut. Not because I'm not happy she's pregnant, of course I am. What kind of insensitive jerk of a husband wouldn't be happy? I mean, that's why people fall in love and get married. To start a family. I felt hurt because she was trying to hide this from me, and then get an abortion without me knowing. Did she think I wouldn't find out eventually? I've never felt so hurt. I got a stone face and kept staring at the test. Sab was glaring at Row.

"Wait, THAT'S what this was about? Row how could you not tell us you were pregnant?!" Carmen scolded.

"Liar." Sab coughed answering Carmen and making Row glare at her.

I was still looking at the test with a hard look on my face and I think I'm scaring Row. She walked over and lifted my chin really gingerly. I raised my head but for some reason I couldn't look at her. My eyes instead just kept switching between looking at Sab and looking at the test. Row put her hands on my face awkwardly and forced me to look at her, stone faced and all.

"Are you mad? " Row asked quietly.

"About the baby?" I questioned flatly.

My voice probably made it sound like I didn't care about the baby at all-- like this was all casual or I had no emotions. That's not it at all. I moved her hands from my face harshly and hurt reflected in her eyes. Not in the way that I hurt her physically--I could never do that. But I probably snapped her heart in two. I wanted to feel sorry for her, to see her perspective, but how can I? Imagine I didn't find out. She would kill our baby and I'd never have known until later, when this would be a much bigger argument.

"Yeah, about the b-baby." Row clarified.

"No." I answered dryly.

"Then why are you so...frozen." Row asked.

"Because I am mad about something. Just not our baby." I mumbled throwing the test across the room.

She furrowed her eyebrows for a second and I stared at her stomach. There is a tiny baby bump. How could I miss that? Rowan suddenly started nodding and she put her hand to her stomach.

"Oh, you're mad that I didn't tell you." Row recognized slowly.

"That's not the only reason, Row." I muttered, rolling my eyes and glancing at Sab who had an 'I told you so' look on her face.

Rowan look really confused and found my gaze.

"Why else would you be--"

"Think about it Row, who would want their baby killed?" Sab spat, crossing her arms.

Row's face got a blank look and she stared at me as if waiting for an answer. I was at a loss for words so I just glared at the ceiling. Row didn't try to move my head this time. Instead she just folded her hands over her stomach guiltily.

"You're ALSO mad about my idea? The abortion?" Row asked confused.

I hesitated since talking wasn't really the first thing I wanted to do right now, but I looked at her and calmed down a little bit. My eyes found hers and she held her breath, I couldn't really feel any sympathy right now so I laughed in the way a villain would.

"Yeah, yup, those are the two things. Great reasons to be mad don't you think?" I laughed in a dry tone.

"Look, I just...I didn't know what to do. I really did want to tell you but then I thought about what might happen. Plus with your Broadway show, I didn't wanna make you feel like you have to stay." Rowan started.

"Still not feeling very forgiving, in fact I feel like you don't think I have the emotional capacity to have a family." I said, kind of harshly.

"Let me finish. I was just-- I was scared...I am scared. Corey, I'm not sure I want this baby and I didn't know if you'd be angry or scared or even upset so....I guess I was gonna get the abortion and it'd be like it never happened. I guess I wasn't thinking, I should've told you." Row spoke softly.

I was about to forgive her when I caught something she said. She's not sure she wants the baby? We always talked about having kids. She wants to abort our kid?

"Wait so you really want an abortion? You want to kill our baby?" I asked my voice cracking.

"I-I...no? Y-Yes...I don't know. I mean, how do I know that I'm gonna be a good mother? What if I give the baby my bi-polar schizophrenia?"

"Row, that wouldn't matter, I'd love him or her just the same." I reasoned feeling offended.

"No, you don't get it. Of course I'd love them but that's why I'm scared. Do you remember when I still heard that bully of a voice in my head? Rachel. Do you know how terrifying it is to hear a voice tell you your stupid or to kill yourself? No you don't and you never will because you're not crazy. I don't hear her anymore but that's because I have you, she or he won't have someone around to help them the way you help me." Row replied, making my look soften.

"I-I refuse to hurt my child. I wont bring a baby in this world and make it go through the things I did. Plus, what if I'm just bad at parenting." Row explained, while I shook my head and resisted a sure break down coming.

"Row, you'd be a great mother, our baby would be lucky to have you as a mom. Whether or not she or he gets Bi-polar Schizophrenia, I'd love them and you know I love you...but the day you kill my kid is the day I lose my freaking mind."

"Well when you say it like that, then it sounds much worse than it is. I mean, Corey, it's not like that. That's not what I meant" Rowan tried to explain.

"So you didn't mean that since I'm going to Broadway and your scared to make the baby crazy, you want an abortion? Your not saying that you want to kill our baby because it would be easier than raising a child with a mental illness? Your not saying you want to brutally murder a part of us? Because it sounds to me like that's what your saying." I screamed

Row went silent and I was so mad I didn't register why.

"You know now I completely understand why I left in your dream. Not because of our baby but because of you. Honestly Rowan, do you ever think of someone but yourself?! I know that's all I do--I never think of myself-- I think about you, I pamper you, I cook for you, I clean for you, and you know what I put that baby in there for you too! A-And I love YOU. What do you do for me, huh? Or for Sab or for Dove or for Carmen--you're freaking little sister, what do you do for her? Nothing. Because you only think about you. Just once-- just f*cking once could you open your eyes and see the world doesn't revolve around you?!" I shouted.

I shook my head and stormed up the steps. I just yelled at Rowan for the first time...And I couldn't careless. SHE'S the one who made the decision to abort something that belongs to both of us. She is self centered and conceited...SHE messed up. Not me. I looked down the stairs at Rowan, who still had her hand over her stomach and was frozen staring at the wall. I would've been fine if she didn't out of nowhere (Literally NOWHERE) She just broke into tears. No sniffles, no eyes getting glossy, just sobs came from her immediately.

I immediately wanted to rush down to calm her but I didn't. Sabrina glared at her as well and even Carmen hesitated before she put a ginger hand on her shoulder. I could go down there and hug her and kiss her and be a good husband, but what's the key word in all of this--her. Always about her. I bit my lip to bite back the instinct to help her and walked to the bedroom.

I locked the door, hearing Rowan's sobs and covered my ears angrily. If I don't hear it I can remember that she's the one who's making the mistake. She's the one that messed up, not me.

"I'M SO DAMN STUPID." I heard Rowan scream through sobs.

I bit my lip harder and stomped my foot. No. I will not break first. She messed up, not me. Her sobs got louder and I let out a shaky sigh. S-She messed up...Not m--Rowan broke into a coughing fit. And with each cough my anger dropped a little. I had to dig my nails into my hands and somehow I still found my hand on the doorknob. I didn't turn it though. I dropped my hand limply and sighed.

"Not me..."