Green Is The Warmest Color

XXVIII.

If Shannon, her friend, already makes me feel this way I wonder how Austin would make me feel. I remember Camila telling me about his confession to her. There's no way Camila must've liked him back. She made it clear as day.

"Can we all get in now?" I say and didn't care if it sounded off. They both release themselves from the hug and smile awkwardly, the tension getting even more heated up at the moment. We all walk near the entrance of the local coffee shop and I made a quick move to hold Camila's hand but she didn't even flinch and she moved away for me to fail miserably to get ahold of her hand.

I looked at her and she didn't even dare to look back at me. She only noticed Shannon and only talked and managed to share laughter with Shannon until we reached the entrance and made our way inside. We picked the place at the back of the seat of the girl always sat on according to Shannon. She seems really serious and interested about this and that's supposed to make me feel better about the whole situation, but Camila not talking to me makes it much worse.

The coffee shop is the typical; its lighting and the couches and all. The only difference with the ones I went to is that the customers are able to write stuff on the walls and the tables which was a good thing. I think of writing how much I love Camila on the walls and the tables but the spaces would never be enough. There are thousands of reasons to love about her, to fall in love with her eventually. Although it's terrifying at the same time, it makes me feel so much better.

"Okay you guys wait here and I'll get you coffee. Camila, the usual? Lauren, how about you?" I stare at Camila for a second when she simply nods her head to Shannon and I contemplate on the reasons why she's ignoring me.

I remove the thought. We'll talk about this when her friend goes away. "The same with what's Camila is getting." I answer with a smile on my face and Shannon quickly fades away, going to the counter.

We are all too sudden consumed by the silence. The silence seemed to consume the both of us for such a long time. No one even dared to try to talk and to hold one's hand. I hated myself for being nervous and weak around her. I'm thinking of the right words to say and if I should apologize. But what will I apologize for? I did nothing. I averted my gaze on her and she's watching the couple meters away from us sitting on the other table being all sweet to each other. I watch the couple too. They seem to be really invested and into each other. I can't help but feel a little envious. But what's really stopping me and what's stopping us from being like them? We can be something and so much more than this couple.

"Can we talk?"

"Can we talk?"

We both say in unison and emerge into a slight laughter. It reminds me of how much I love her laughter. It shows how lovely she can be, it shows how one person's laughter can make you fall so deep you're looking your way out from the rabbit hole. I can be Alice and if she's my wonderland then I'd stay forever inside the hole.

I offer to talk first. "I don't know what I did. But we promised each other to talk things through when there seems to be something wrong between us. Whatever I did that hurt you, I am sorry. I love you." I admit. I can never end my sentence without telling her how I actually feel about her. It's like turning into a habit.

She pouts. "You didn't do something that hurt me, Laur. You annoyed me actually." What? What did I do? "What you did back there, getting all jealous and possessive, you do know Shannon is just a friend right? A really good friend." She tells me and I just realized. She hated the way I acted like she's mine and we're together. The thought almost broke my heart but I accepted it anyway and there is no absolute reason for me to feel the way.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out. "I'm sorry that I acted like we're actually together or that you're mine. I know we aren't but I can't help it you know? I can't help myself from feeling all these things I'm not supposed to feel-." She interrupted my speech with a quick peck on my lips. "W-what... is t-that for?" I ask amazed with the sudden grand gesture.