Green Is The Warmest Color

XXII.

                  

Camila's POV

"I seriously don't need anything fancy to wear, Dinah. I mean Austin won't mind at all whatever I wear." I assure Dinah. Here it goes again, Dinah being her fashion icon self. Dinah keeps on rummaging my drawer of t-shirts and jeans that I can wear since it's already Valentine's Day and I promised to going out with Austin. I slapped Dinah's arm for her to stop looking for fancy dresses. "Seriously Dinah! I can wear anything. I can even wear like a total hobo and he won't even care. Seriously, you don't really have to worry about it." I say quite annoyed.

Dinah averted her gaze on me. "But you'll lose your v-card tonight, Mila. You've gotta be pretty! It has to be extra special." Lose my v-card? Wait what! Since when did I tell her that I'll lose my v-card on the v-day? I gasped at her in shock realizing what she had just said. "Don't play dumb on me now Mila. Been there done that. Although I don't like Austin that much, I just at least want you to prepare and just know what you're getting yourself into." When she said those words, the image of Lauren kissing me in one of the public comfort rooms appeared in my head. I instantly erased it in my mind and remembered Austin and our somewhat 'date' tonight.

"I am not going to lose my v-card okay? You have to chill out!" I almost screamed at her and she pulls away her hands from a handful of my shirts and it seems like she literally just ransacked my whole drawer.

"Okay woah I'm chill!" She collapses on the bed and rests. "I'm sorry okay? I'm just- I don't know I'm overwhelmed and happy and confused. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that you're changing into someone I've always wanted for you to become. Like someone who goes to parties and meets new people every night. I'm happy that you found a guy to make you smile. But I am also confused. It's like- It's just like you're changing and it's all my fault. I don't know – do you like how you feel about changing?" She blurts out while hugging a pillow on her bed. I sat on her bed to stare at her and she seems really genuine about it.

I stole her pillow from her touch and she didn't even notice it. "Dinah listen to me. Nothing is your fault. It's not like I stopped going to school because I've changed." I chuckle. It's true. I've changed quite a lot lately. I started going to parties Dinah invited me into and met a handful of people. Some of them I exchanged numbers to and some of them just became acquaintances one night. Ever since Lauren agreed to my proposal, our relationship massively changed too. We've kissed a bunch of times whenever we had the chance especially when the girls were away and out of sight. At first it felt really weird having to sneak out to share lustful kisses with her but as the time went on, I suddenly felt excited and giddy about it like I craved it every time I thought of Lauren. Maybe if I could admit it to myself, Lauren was a drug and I'm pretty much addicted. That was the start of the change in me. I realized that there's really nothing wrong with something new, with doing and experiencing something new and with Lauren's help, it wouldn't be so much hard.

Every time I took a glance and scroll through my phone's contacts, the old Camila came back to me and whispered "You're still Camila Cabello, the one who hides in her room and watches by herself because she's too afraid of the world." I would easily remove the thought in my mind even though I never actually had the guts to talk to the people I exchanged numbers to. Dinah would tell me to do so but I never really felt the need to talk to any of them to be honest.

I continue what I've been saying. "I still ace my quizzes and essays. I still respect people and my mom is not mad about the fact that I actually go out now and in fact she's psyched about the idea! Dinah c'mon the only thing that changed is that you don't have to encourage me anymore. Isn't that better anyway?" I nudge her and she looks up to me.

"Okay Chancho you're right." She finally understands it. "But don't blame me if I miss the old days okay? The Camila who would kill me if I gave her number to some guys. Anyway I must admit it's actually really good that you're hanging out." She reveals and I embrace her into a tight hug.