My Housemate is a Player - Mark Tuan fanfic

29 - Missing Her Like Crazy

Practice. That's what I do everyday. And when I get back home, I check my phone for any update on Allyson....nothing. 

I try calling her, but she doesn't answer either. 

Her online accounts are untouched. No updates...not anything.

What could she be doing now? Would she come back here? What if she decides to stay in Seattle for good? 

I call Ben almost everyday to ask him if she's called her office, but nothing there either. 

I'm going crazy here. I don't have anything on her and I'm missing her. It's been more than a week since we left Washington and I'm regretting why I did. If I could, I would've stayed there and looked for her. Whatever it takes. But, I can't. I have a responsibility to the group and to my family. 

"Let's go to the club tonight." Jackson says after practice on a Friday. 

"Yeah, Mark." JB pulls me up from the sofa. "You've been cooped up in your house everyday."

"You need to just relax a bit," Junior adds. 

"Fine!" I tell them, standing up to go to my room to get changed. They're right. Maybe I just need to drink this off. 

When we get to the club, Dean and his band are playing on stage. Only the three of them. A picture of Allyson on the stage with them suddenly comes to mind. I shake my head, shaking off that image, and take the drink Junior offers. 

"So, how was Washington?" Ashlie asks, sitting beside me at the table. 

Washington. Seattle. Allyson. FUCK!

Instead of answering her, I pour myself another drink and dunk it in my mouth. 

"What's wrong with him?" I hear her ask the others. 

"Allyson!" YG whispers. I nudge him to shut up. I don't want to talk about her now. I just want to completely forget just for tonight. 

"What about her?" She turns to face me.

"None of your business." I snarl. 

"What's with your attitude?" She asks me, pulling on my arm so I would face her. 

"Let him be," Junior tells her. 

"Would you wanna talk about it?" She says again. 

"Can you just get off my case?" I snap at her, making her move back and eye me. 

"Mark Tuan." She raises an eyebrow. "Did you just got dumped?" She laughs. If she isn't a girl, I would have smacked her face already. 

"Allyson didn't come back with us." Bam answers. I glare at him to shut up but he continues. "She hasn't texted nor called. She hasn't even answered our calls."

"Oh." She turns to face me again. "She went to Washington with you guys?"

"Can we just stop talking about her?" I tell her, raising my voice a bit to let her know I'm already getting annoyed. 

"Hey!" She yells back. "I'm just being a friend here. No need to get all grumpy." She flicks my forehead. 

"Sorry!" I say, sighing, taking another shot. "I just..." I put my head in my hands, "I'm just missing her."

"I understand." She says, putting his hand on my shoulder, patting it lightly.

I don't think she really does. Even if she doesn't see her boyfriend for the longest time, she wouldn't care. I haven't actually seen her or heard her saying she misses him. 

"Let's just drink," JB says, breaking the silence. 

They, the group, I know, understands me more than her. They know what Allyson and I have been through together. They've been listening to me patiently the past days cursing at myself for being so stupid. 

"Maybe she just needs time to think." They keep on saying. But, I don't know anymore. I don't know what to think. Is she still angry? Could she be regretting she met me? Is she even thinking about me like how I think of her every single minute of the day? Is she ok? Or is she crying alone somewhere again?

____

Instead of going to my room, I go straight to Allyson's. I've been using her room more often these days. It's the closest I could get to her. Her things are still here. She didn't take a lot with her when we left for Seattle just a week ago. 

I breathe in her scent as I lay on her bed. Tears slowly flow down my cheeks. 

I'm sorry Allyson. Whatever I did. I'm just really sorry. Please come back. 

____

The following days are the same. Ashlie would call almost everyday just to chat. She would also come by the house with booze. I know she just wants to keep me company, but she's not what I need. 

One night, she makes a move. 

"What the fuck!" I push her away when she pins me down the sofa, kissing me on the lips. "What are you doing?" I ask her. 

"Mark!" She stands up and pulls my hand. "It's me who should be asking you that. What are you doing? You mope around all day about that girl. You don't go out anymore. You even sleep in her room for Christ's sake."

"What do you expect me to do then?" I yell, sweeping my hair off my face. "Pretend to be happy when I'm clearly not?"

"I miss the old Mark." She huffs. "I miss our friendship. I miss you!" She wraps her hands around my waist, resting her head on my chest. 

"Ashlie," I gently push her away. "We're still friends." I tell her, letting her sit on the sofa. I sit beside her and take her hands. "Friends. We may not be fucking just like before, but I'm still your Friend." I explain, looking straight at her eyes. 

"She's not coming back, Mark." She yells again. "Allyson is not coming back for you. She left you, Mark." She stands up again and paces the room, stopping in front of me and kneeling. "But, me. I'm here. I won't be going anywhere."

Are we back to this again? I look at her in disbelief. 

"Yes, Mark!" I see tears in her eyes, alarming me. "I like you. OK? I never really realized it until I lost you to that damn girl."

What???? "Ashlie," I pull her up to her feet. I don't really know what to say or how to react to this. "I'm...I can't...NO!" I shake my head. 

"Why not?" She sobs, sitting beside me. "Huh? Am I not as good as her? What would you want me to do, Mark?"

You are nothing near her, Ashlie. I just close my eyes and lean my aching head on the back of the sofa. 

"I've laid off boys, Mark. Just for you. And you didn't even notice." She's saying. "I'd do anything so you would forget her."

SHIT! I don't want to deal with this right now. 

"She's not fuckin' coming back!" She yells. 

Isn't she? 

I turn to face her. "Ashlie. Even if she isn't, I only consider you as my friend. Nothing more than that." I honestly say. 

"We fucked, Mark. Don't tell me you didn't feel anything when we slept together countless times. Cause I freakin' did." Her tears are coming down in streams now and I'm feeling guilty. Guilty that I made this girl feel this way without even thinking about it. Guilty that I can't give her back what she wants. Guilty that even if she's here, I'm thinking of someone else. 

"I'm sorry!" I just say. 

"Sorry for what? For fucking me? Or for not liking me back?"

"Both."

She slaps me hard on my face and stands up, taking her bag and storming out the door.