My Housemate is a Player - Mark Tuan fanfic

17 - I Like Her.....?????

I go to a bar, less visited by friends and people I know. I just want to be alone for now. I want to think on my own. 

As soon as I find a seat at one corner, my phone rings. Ashlie. Why, of all the fuckin' times, would she be calling me now? She's, in fact, been showing up more and more often recently. What's up with her? 

I press on 'Reject'. 

Another call comes - Jackson. Reject. 

Dean - Reject.

I turn my phone off in frustration. Can't they leave me alone for once? 

I order a bottle of cognac, pour some on my glass and start drinking....and thinking. 

Allyson! Fine...I do like her. I like her more than a friend. It would be nice to have her as my .... girlfriend. That word....I don't even know what it means. With so many girls I've been with, I don't even know if any one of them I can consider as a girlfriend. I just want to be beside her. 

I admit, she changed me. A lot. These past weeks, even though I denied it at first, I tried to be the ideal man she wants from a guy. I TRIED. But, I'm still me. I can't change that. I can't do anything about my past. What I did, and what I've become - damage has been done. 

She thinks I'm a fuckboy. Yes...I was....or maybe I still am. I can't figure that one out yet. I'm a player....or was. 

There is her - pure and innocent. And then there's me - evil and stained. Total opposites. 

How much I would want to go back to the past and be the man she deserves to be with. But, past is past. There's nothing we can do about it. However hard I tried, and will try in the future, I won't come close to being his prince. I would always be the villain. I would hurt her and turn her into ashes. 

But, you can try, Mark.

I don't know if I can. What if in the end, she still wouldn't choose me? 

She's still worth the effort. 

She is. Damn, she is. I just don't know what to do. I've laid off girls for a month. I don't even fuckin' crave for sex anymore. Except when she kisses me, that is. But, that's besides the point. She's the one I want....I need her. 

That's more like it. 

But, she doesn't want a guy like me. She needs someone who can take her to the altar. I can't do that. 

You're thinking way too advanced. 

Am I? She needs someone to love her. I just like her for Pete's sake. I can't give her what she needs. 

I agree. You're one messed up mother-fucker. 

Fuck!

Just try, dickhead. At least go back to being friends. She needs one now more than ever. 

That, I can do. 

____

It's already four in the morning when I get back to the house. I walk straight to her door and listen, just checking if she's still awake. Silent. She must be tired of all that crying from earlier. I sigh and go to my own room, not even bothering to wash up before hitting the bed. 

When I get up in the morning, I immediately run to her room, eager to see how she is. But, she's already gone. She must've already gone to work. 

I take a shower, feeling a bit better after arguing with myself last night. I go out for brunch, dropping by the bakeshop for some cake. I'm planning on apologizing...really apologizing to Allyson. Even as a friend, she would forgive me.