♘ Be Brave ♘

XCIV

Surprisingly, I'm able to get through my fear landscape fairly easily this time. I just try to stall as long as possible and force the fear to overwhelm me. Even though seeing Marcus's simulation doesn't scare me as much anymore, I still need to act for the serum's sake.

Otherwise, the Dauntless leaders will be suspicious and end up reporting me to the government. I don't know what they will do if I'm turned in, but it's obvious I won't like it if being divergent really is as dangerous as Matthew made it out to be.

Once the simulation is shut down, I wake up, gasping for air. I can feel sweat dripping on my face. I feel my heart rate slow down after a few minutes, and get off the chair as soon as the dizziness wears off.

I see Matthew staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, so I decide to break the silence. "Um, thank you. For what you said earlier." Matthew smiles.

"It was nothing. But... are you mad at me?" I frown. "Why would I be?" Matthew shrugs. "You asked me not to say anything about you being my son." I sigh. "It wasn't your fault. That stupid serum made you say it. And, to be honest, I don't really care anymore. People would've found out eventually."

Matthew relaxes, and I know he feels grateful for my response. For once in my life, I can actually say that what I told him was the truth. I'm glad the secret is out in the open. "After everything you've done... standing up for me, helping Cassandra... well, I'm proud to be your son." Matthew beams.

"And I'm proud to be your father." He looks so sincere, so happy, that the guilt threatens to drown me. I should not have asked him to manipulate the rankings. Then again, I had to. I had to help her.

I had to help Cassandra. I shrug off the guilt, and decide to change the subject. "So... how long was I in the simulation?" Matthew glances at the monitor. "Thirty minutes. You're getting better." I grin. "Maybe I should give acting classes."

Matthew laughs and slaps me on the back. I try not to flinch, My tattoo has not entirely healed for some reason, so it still hurts. "Oh, sorry. I forgot you'd gotten a tattoo." I frown. "How'd you know?" Matthew smirks. "Word gets around fast here. Can I see it?" I hesitate.

He'll see my scars, and when he does, he'll ask about them. But... I need to tell him about Marcus's abuse. He deserves to know. "Sure." I slip off my shirt and turn around so he can see the entire design. "Oh, it's nice. But... why do you have so many bruises?" I put my shirt back on, and shake my head.

Matthew nods. "Marcus." It's a statement, not a question. "I will kill him." What good would it do? "I know you care about me, but I can stand up for myself now. You can't go around killing everyone who harms me."

The words come out harsher than I intended, and Matthew looks away. "I'm sorry." I shrug. "No. You have nothing to be sorry about. Really." I embrace him for good measure. "Thank you." Matthew pulls away. "What for?" I smile. "Everything." And this time, I mean it.