Green Is The Warmest Color

VIII.

Those were the days.

"Mama Sinu, why do people kill themselves?" I asked her while she was preparing my favorite pancakes with blueberries on top. I didn't think I'd ever stop eating pancakes ever.

"They kill themselves because they want to end the pain." She stopped what she's doing and looked at me. "They believed that if they stopped existing then the pain would end. But they're wrong. That's the time the pain would start."

"Why do people experience pain then?" I asked once more.

Mama Sinu smiled at me. "It's normal honey. We get to live in this world to experience love, happiness and pain. But that doesn't mean that the world is unfair. It is balanced and it gives us so much more than what we deserve."

"I understand now...." Mama Sinu laughed. "Pain is inevitable like change."

Mama Sinu placed my pancakes on the table. The pancakes looked so good with blueberries on top and this was the first time I had thoughts before eating it. "Camila, you will not hurt the pancakes when you eat it. You silly, kid." Mama Sinu seemed to read what was going on my mind.

"I just thought of what you told me.... I suddenly f-feel bad for eating these pancakes." I acted like I really felt bad and sad about the idea of eating the pancakes and Mama Sinu started laughing once again.

She tapped my shoulder. "It is a different thing, Camila. When you grow up, you'll understand and soon your questions will be answered." I smiled at her. "Now go eat your pancakes before it gets all cold, okay?" Now it was my turn to laugh and started eating half of my pancakes. No matter what I thought of, it felt and tasted so good.

Mama Sinu left to buy more groceries for stock and I went outside, sat on our garden and watched the sky. The stars would soon appear and I would be once again accompanied by their light. It has become a daily routine for me to go outside and watch the stars. While I was watching the stars, I would bring my guitar with me and play some songs. I learned playing a guitar with a friend and watching random Youtube video tutorials. It felt even better to watch the stars while singing my favorite songs and being alone with them. Most of the time I would try to connect the stars like connecting the dots and form my name and it would be so fun.

I could hear my mom's car getting parked in the driveway and I would run my way inside to meet her. "Oh you're here! What's the guitar for?" She asked.

"Do you want me to sing something for you mama?" She nodded and I smiled before strumming the guitar. "Okay here it is."

And I, I hate you see your heart break

I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close

But I've been there before

And you repeat the chorus. That's it." I laughed and Mama Sinu hugged me tight.

"Your voice is lovely my dear. Sometimes I forget that you can sing better than me. Do you wanna be a singer?"

I was surprised at her question because being a kid, I would want anything in the world but life doesn't work that way. "I don't know mama. Maybe when I grow up I will be someone I'm destined to be." Before she even responded our telephone rang repeatedly. She let go of our hug and I didn't know but my heart beat rapidly as if something bad happened.

"What?! What do you mean? H-how!??? W-what happened t-to him... Oh my God!" She dropped the call and she covered her face with her hands. I ran to hug her and she hugged me back but not as tight as before. It felt so weak I wanted to cry.