Shorter Than Me

24 Ecyn

"So tell me about home." Jeyla says. I asked her not to call me "ma'am" or "captain" when it was just us. I know her well enough that she shouldn't have to address me like that when we're not doing anything in public.

I pass her a soapy plate and she rinses it off. "I'm assuming you mean where my family lives. This place is as much a home as any to me."

"Yes. It does get like that after a while. But I meant where your family lives. You just visited them recently, right?"

"I did. They're in the Karanese District. It's just my mother and brother. My brother is still in school and my mother works as a seamstress in a little shop. All my close friends have joined the military with me, so I don't really have many good friends there." I scrub really hard on a pan, trying to get some black stuff off it.

"Not much to go back to?"

"Not really." I still struggle with the pan.

"Try leaving in the water for a bit," she suggests. "How long do you plan on staying with us?"

I let the pan slide back into the soapy water and pick up another pan. This one is cleaner. "Well I'm part of the two-year plan. But that's just a way to get the younger people stuck in the military. They don't want them going home, so they make them stay for long enough to make it so that they can never come back. It worked." I shrug.

"So you think you'll stay?"

"It's a good income. And it's not so bad, except for the expeditions. But I'm good with the 3DMG, so isn't it my duty to use that to help people? I'm good enough to have become a captain with less than a year's worth of experience, but it feels like I'm more of a junior captain or something. I'm younger than most, and I'm shorter than every single Scout. Some people don't even take me seriously. I bet no one other than in here would actually obey me like I was a captain."

"You have to earn their respect. Make yourself a legend."

"So I have to become higher than their standards."

"If you want to be known and respected. Just look at how Captain Levi does his thing."

"I'm not going to start acting like him. If that's how you get respect, I don't want it." I laugh.

She smiles. "I know what you mean. But Commander Erwin has respect, and he's not like Captain Levi."

"I'll just become commander next. A seventeen-year-old commander." I roll my eyes.

"You're seventeen?"

"Almost. In two days. My birthday is Thursday."

"Really? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't really want anyone to make a big fuss about it."

"Well it's too late now."

I sigh, handing her another plate.

"It's not so bad. Captain Levi makes it seem worse than it is."

"So does Hanji," I point out.

She laughs. "That's true."

I finally pick up the pan I was struggling with. It's easier now, and I get the black stuff off with only a little more scrubbing. I hand it to Jeyla and watch as she rinses it and sets it on a rack to dry.

"Well it's done. Thanks for your help." She smiles at me.

"You're welcome." I smile back, drying my hands on a towel. Then I leave.

I walk back to my room, passing a couple people. We lock eyes for a second and nod in greeting, not saying anything. I don't remember their names. Once I enter my room and lock the door, I take my jacket and boots off. I also remove the straps. I untuck my shirt and sit at my desk. It's weird having an office, a bedroom, and a bathroom all to myself. Everything is empty. I find myself missing Mikasa. I had my own room at home, but this seems different somehow.

I've decided to stay in the military. I'm going to spend the rest of my life here. I'm going to get a reputation, be the youngest and shortest captain, and probably retire. Unless I die first.

I'm supposed to die, though. That's what the Scouting Legion is. People that die fighting, people that fight until they die. The bravest people in the world.

I know I'm braver than a lot of people. For one, I joined the Scouting Legion rather than the Garrison. Just because I know I am braver doesn't mean I feel braver. I'm scared to death of going on another expedition. While I'm on them, I'm always tense and afraid. I know bravery isn't measured in fear, but the extent that the fear is ignored in order to do the right thing. I still feel like a cowardly person. I'm braver than those who joined the Garrison or the Military Police. I'm braver than Briine. I'm braver than all the people who didn't join the military.

There are some exceptions, like people that didn't join the military because their skills were better used elsewhere or they weren't physically fit, but most of the people are just afraid.

I wonder if they expect the titans to break through the Wall again. The Colossal Titan appeared in order to break open the Karanese District. He probably wanted to continue inside to break down Wall Maria. Or the Armored Titan could have, just like they did at Wall Rose. But they didn't. Was it because of Eren? Hanji might have theories, but I don't want to ask her, especially this late at night. I don't know how long she'd keep me up.

I change into my night clothes and lay down on my bed. I close my eyes and stay that way for a long time.

I know this is a filler chapter. It has to be done. Maybe I get too psychological when nothing is going on. Sorry. But thanks for reading. It'll be a short chapter.