Shorter Than Me

20 Levi

I arrive at Genta's house early in the evening. I return her horse to her stable and start to walk out with my horse. If I ride fast enough, I can get back before midnight.

"Levi?" I turn and see Genta standing in the doorway. "Aren't you going to stay?"

"I was just returning your horse."

"But are you going to stay?"

"No," I answer.

She sighs. "Why?

"I need to get back. They need me there."

"They can miss you for one day. Your son, on the other hand, misses you for weeks, months-"

"Daddy?" An excited voice comes from behind Genta. He pushes out and runs to me. "Hello, Daddy!" He hugs my leg.

"Hello." I look down to him. He looks up and smiles widely.

"You should spend the night," Genta suggests again.

"Are you staying?" Petr asks excitedly, his big eyes bore into mine.

They're Petra's. A dark honey color.

"Fine." I step away from Petr's hug and turn to the stable again. Petr follows me inside and pets my horse. Then we walk outside. He grabs my hand in his and I want to pull away. I barely even held Petra's hand.

But Petra would want me to hold his hand, so I do.

THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS!!!!!!!!!

We enter the house.

"Daddy, come play with me!"

"Petr," Genta says in a warning voice. "What do we say when we want something?"

He looks back up at me. "Please come play with me, Daddy."

"What do you want to play?" Since I was begged to stay here I might as well waste my time too.

"Let's build with blocks!"

"You don't have anything else?" I ask.

"Do you want to draw pictures?" he exclaims.

"What do you want to do?"

"Pictures!!!!" he nearly screams.

"Petr, don't yell in the house," Genta scolds.

"Yes, mam." He looks down for a second before pulling me with his tiny hand into his room. He grabs a pile of papers and a box of colored pencils. Then he runs back out and climbs onto a chair at the table. He spreads the paper out while I sit in the chair next to him.

"Look at the pictures I drew yesterday, Daddy." He slides a few drawings toward me. I glance at them. One depicts a large green blob with a brown blob in front of it. I think it's a horse because of the legs and the stick-person on top of it. The person has black hair.

The next picture is of a tree and a person with maneuver gear next to it. Again, the person has black hair.

Another one is of the black-haired person and a much shorter person holding hands.

"Do you like them?" he asks eagerly.

"They're... interesting."

Three-year-old response default: interesting.

He hands me a blank piece of paper and starts drawing on his own. Another large green blob. "Daddy, do I have a real Mommy?"

His question surprises me. "Yes."

"Where is she? I never seen her."

I just realized Petr's grammar is perfect. No longer!

I hesitate a second before answering quietly, "She's dead."

He stops coloring and looks at me, shock in his eyes. He looks crushed.

Oops. "But she can see you," I say hurriedly. "She watches you every day and makes sure you don't get hurt."

"Really?"

"Yes. And even though you don't see her, she's right here. She wants you to be happy and she wishes you could see her."

"Can you see her?"

"No. But I can feel her."

"What did she look like?" He looks mesmerized.

Beautiful. She looked like the prettiest morning in the whole world. She looked like a perfect sunrise. She looked like an angel. And now she is one. "She had hair about this long." I move my hand to where her hair ended. "It was light brown with a little red. Her eyes were just like yours."

There are so many pictures depicting Petra having different hair colors, so that's what I made it.

He starts drawing her on his paper. She looks nothing like Petra.

"She was shorter than me."

"You're tall," he comments, still coloring.

I'm tall to very few people. Petra, Petr, and Guiin.

"Are you going to draw something?" he asks.

I stare at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I don't remember ever drawing something. I didn't even draw in dirt because I didn't want to get my hands dirty. "What should I draw?"

He thinks for a second. "Can you draw Mommy?"

I'm not that good. "Alright." I pick up a normal pencil and start lightly outlining the shape of her face. I've stared at it so much the image of her is engraved behind my eyes. I can imagine how she looked from the side with her head tilted slightly toward me, a slight smile on her lips and a mischievous look in her eyes. Or how she looked when her eyes stared directly into mine and they were just out of focus. Or how she looked when she was sleeping, arms around my arm, curled against me, still beautiful. But then I had to wake her up so she could sneak back to her room before anyone wondered why in the world she would be spending the night in my room.

I color her face a pale color with some darker spots where her face was contoured. Because of the limited variety of colors, her hair and eyes are a bit off. Her ears are too small. Her nose is too big. Her eyes don't have the life I remember. Her lips are fine. It's as of they're mocking me. The one thing I get right is the thing I'll never kiss again.

"Do you miss Mommy?"

I glance at Petr and notice his picture hasn't changed in the last five minutes. He has been watching me. I realize my expression looks sad and I change it immediately. "I miss her a lot."

"Did you love her?" His innocent eyes stare into mine.

"I loved her a lot."

"Do you love me?"

Do I love him? The problem is, I don't know if I love someone until a time I realize I could loose them. I don't know if I love Petr.
"Yes, I do." If I said no, that might break his heart. I care about him enough not to let that happen.

He slides out of the chair and puts his small arms around me. "I love you too." He hugs me as tight as he can, which isn't very tight at all, and presses his face into my shirt. I twist to put my arm around him as well.

I wonder if I love him.

Petr is back!!!! Will Levi ever find out whether he loves Petr or not? How will he know for sure?

Does Levi love Ecyn yet? How do you know?

Thanks for reading. And thanks for the 10K reads.

The picture is from the internet. (And so are the rest in this chapter.)