Shorter Than Me

24 Levi

I heard about what Guiin did at Wall Rose from gossip, but I didn't know all the details until the commander announced it and awarded her. She did the right thing. She knew she could do it, and she did it. She succeeded and survived. She saved someone's life when no one else could.

Levi doesn't know it, but he's proud of her. Just saying. (Shh, don't tell him. He deserves to find out by himself.)

***

When you don't talk to people a lot, you end up noticing more about everyone. He always wears that expression when he's talking about something he doesn't care about. She always leans forward when she laughs hard. He uses his hands too much when he talks. He winks all the time. She worries about her hair subconsciously. He bites the inside of his lip. She taps her right foot whenever she's not anxious.

I notice lots of things, so it's no surprise that I notice Guiin.

I notice she's different. It's not like she was before she went home for a week. That was something else. This is something I don't know. She smiles, but someone looking at her eyes could see there was something else, especially during those times she stares at other tables during meals. It's a usually different table every time, but there's always the same person at whichever one she's looking at. Atkins.

I know they were friends. They were together a lot. Then they just stopped. It's none of my business, but it's obviously bothering her.

I don't care about it. As long as she's not breaking down or fainting or anything.

***

The spaces between expeditions where no one does anything are always boring. For me, at least. But I also see other Scouts looking bored. I don't get why Commander Erwin even has these breaks. It gives everyone time to recuperate and rest, but it's not even worth it when Hanji writes up countless expedition requests. The only reason the commander had those made was so Hanji would write all her suggestions down rather than tell him in person. It saves him from most of her rants, but they're usually unavoidable for the rest of the Scouts. Some know her well enough to walk away, knowing she'll just seek someone else out and not break down into tears. Most of the newer Scouts don't want to be rude, so they get trapped for hours, or until someone saves them.

Hanji walks into my room, slams the door, and presses up against it like she's holding it closed. I silently curse myself for not remembering to lock it.

"Levi, they're chasing me." She locks the door and steps farther into the room. "Now we're trapped." It seems like she could be drunk, but with Hanji it's hard to tell. It didn't take long for me to learn that I shouldn't encourage her by responding. She goes away sooner that way. She doesn't wait for me to ask who is chasing her and she knows I don't care, but she tells me anyway. "A bunch of the new recruits are chasing me. Thanks for asking."

"You can leave now, Hanji."

"You don't understand. They want to catch me."

"Get out, Hanji."

"But I'm too smart for them. They wouldn't dare knock on your door."

I stand up. "For a very good reason." I grab her arm tightly and open the door. I push her out.

She grabs onto the doorframe, pleading with me. "Levi, no! You can't kick me out! You have to help me!" I pry her fingers off and slam the door closed. She pushes on it, but I lock the door.

I'd rather be bored than have that happen again. Though she's good in a fight and she's pretty intelligent when it comes to titans, it's the reverse when it comes to humans. She acts completely oblivious, but it could be just an act due to insecurities. That or she's plain dumb. If I gambled, I'd bet on the latter.

She's one of the different people in the Scouting Legion. Her, Jaeger, Ackerman, me, Arlert, Commander Erwin, and even Guiin.

I know there are other characters at this point that are different and all, but these ones are characters in this book, so I didn't mention anyone else.

The most different of us is probably me. I never trained in the military, but I'm somehow the best. I was forced to join, but now I'm completely dedicated to the Scouts. There's no other life for me. I wonder what will happen when I get old. I'd either be forced to retire or die fighting.

I don't think about the future much, but when it's been weeks since I've really done anything, my thoughts start to branch out farther than normal.

They end up drifting to Petr. He'll want to join the military. Once he finds out about titans of course. I can already tell. I couldn't stop him. I wonder what it would be like having my son in the military with me. He'd have to hide it. I wouldn't want him calling me "dad." That would raise too much confusion and way too many interrogations from Hanji.

Sorry for the interruption, but I just found it funny that my phone wants to autocorrect "Hanji" to "Banjo."

I can't picture him as a teenager. He'd be going to school and meeting other kids. Somehow, I just want him to stay the little boy in the house in the forest. I don't want him to grow up. I want him to stay innocent and ignorant.

Because once you know about a horror, there's no going back. Once he finds out the things of nightmares are real, he won't be able to become the little boy looking for his dad in the forest ever again. The pictures he'll draw won't be of his father, but of his fears. He'll lose that carefree gleam in his eyes along with part of his childhood sanity.

Then he might become like me. He might lose those closest to him and never return.

Maybe he'll want to follow in my footsteps, but that's the thing I dread the most.

Why does Levi always have to get so psychological?

Thanks to DeathsDragon; you gave me an idea and you didn't even know it. ;) (About Hanji haha.)