Justin Bieber Imagines [interracial/bwwm]

Colors

based on one of my current favorite song by Halsey. ♡

-

"you're dripping like a saturated sunrise. you're spilling like an overflowing sink."

He's talking again. Telling me everything about his life.. every struggle, every thought, every nightmare he's ever had. He's on the part where his dad went to jail for a while when he was a kid and how he wonders if it's affected who he is as a man today. Questioning if he'd somehow be better, more of a man and less of a f*ck-up, if his dad hadn't made a mistake that took him away for a while.

I just laid there and listened, tracing the outline of the cross that adorned his chest. I've learned that if I spoke a word while he was in this stage of deep thought and over-sharing, he'd stop. It'd seize the chance I had to get to know more about him and I didn't want to take that chance.

I desperately wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to know what he thought about, what gets to him and how he feels about his life, what lead him to be the way that he is now. I wanted to understand him. He intrigued me. He has so many problems, so many things that people would deem as abnormal or destructive. He does have some bad habits that I'd be willing to help him change, but everyone only sees that part of him. They don't see him the way I've grown to. He's truly beautiful to me even with all his imperfections.

"you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece."

"Don't you have that exam thing today?" he asked, changing the subject from himself to me, which didn't happen too often. Normally he was too caught into his rambling about his problems to remember to ask about me. I blamed his depression for it. The times when he's happy, only when he's intoxicated, he always asks about me.

"Yeah, but.. I was thinking about skipping it and making it up later." I told him. He took a hit of the cigarette in his hands before moving it away from his face, blowing the smoke out with a confused expression on his face.

"What happened to keeping your grades up?" he asked me. I shrugged.

"I can make it up later. Right now I just want to lay here.. with you." I answered. I know why he's so surprised. When he met me I was all about school and maintaining good grades. There's been plenty of times where I refused to come see him because I had to go to class or study for class. These days I don't feel that way, though. The more time I spent with Justin, the more time I wanted to spend with him. I could feel myself slowly losing myself in him. I'd rather go to a dumb party with him and his toxic friends than hang out with my own. I felt myself changing from being with him. He was consuming me. I wanted to take advantage of every moment and be next to him and it was taking a toll on who I am as a person. At the rate he's going I wasn't even sure if I had him for long but I really hoped I did because he's all I want right now.

"I... I was going to take you... you sure you're not going?" he asked. I sat up straight in the bed we shared the night before and looked at him. Now I was the one that was confused.

"You were going to take me? You were going to drive me to school? You never drive me to school." I said. He wasn't exactly the type to do things for people. He only did certain things if you really needed his help but he never did things like take me... anywhere if he wasn't going there himself. He'd let me take his car before he even thought of offering to take me somewhere. This wasn't really like him.

He looked from me and down to his lap as he wore an unreadable expression. He reached over to his nightstand and put his cigarette out before turning back around.

"We can't see each other anymore." his voice was calm and low as he spoke. My eyebrows came together at his words.

"You don't want to see each other anymore?" I asked, to make sure I heard him right. He just shook his head, still not looking at me. "Why?"

"It's.. it's getting weird." was all he said. I felt my eyes squint as I turned my head and lowered it to get a better look at him.

"Weird? Weird how?"

"It's just not how it was at first." he told me. I continued to look at him, waiting for him to explain what he meant a little better because, right now, he wasn't making sense to me.

"When we first met, it was different. We were different. You were... good.. nothing like me. You cared about school and grades and now you're willing to miss an exam just to sit around with me." he finished.

I didn't know what to say. He was right. Every part of me that made me different from him was slowly fading away. The bold line that seperated us was being erased by my love for him and we were starting to merge into one. I've never had this happen with anyone before. I've never found myself drowning in another person so much that I was dying and all that remained was him.

"everything is blue. his pills, his hands, his jeans. & now i'm covered in the color, pulled apart at the seams."

"I don't know what to tell you..." I told him. What could I tell him? That I was falling in love with him so hard and fast that I didn't even know who I was anymore? With the way he is, I wasn't sure how he'd take that. He'd most likely just push me away even harder and faster if he knew how I really felt.

"Well this has to end, okay? You're missing exans, I'm offering to do things I don't do- this just has to be over." he said. He was now standing on the side of his bed and I was lifting my head to look at him. What I saw wasn't his normal, saddened self. He looked.. scared almost. Suddenly I realized that he didn't want to end this because of me, it was because of him. He was afraid of what we were becoming and wanted to stop it before he fully lost himself too.

"everything is grey. his hair, his smoke, his dreams. & now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means."

"Why does it have to end? This is new to me, to-"

"Y/n! Stop! We had fun but now this sh*t has to be over. Get your stuff, I'll drop you o- no. No, just leave." he told me.

"So you're kicking me out now? After everything, that's it? We're done and I have to leave?" I asked him. I was starting to get pissed off by how he could just treat me like I meant nothing and was nothing to him.

He didn't say anything as he looked at me with a pained expression on his face. Somehow his lack of words bothered me more than him just saying he didn't want me anymore would've. It was like I didn't even mean enough to deserve a response. I felt like sh*t.

"You don't want to be with me because you're afraid. You're afraid of whatever we're becoming, but I'm not to blame! You made me like this, I didn't ask for this!" I told him.

"Whatever, y/n. Just get your sh*t and leave. Whatever we had is done. Whatever I did to you... it's over now." He turned his back to me and lit another cigarette before he sat on the bed. I sat still for a moment, trying to accept the fact that he was really ending this. What has become my world was now blown up and ripped away from me all because he wasn't ready to change himself or face his fears.

I got out of his bed and slipped my jeans on. I kept on the shirt of his I slept in, just to keep some piece of him with me.

"You need to learn how to handle your fears. Stop running away from them by isolating yourself and drowning your emotions in drugs and alcohol. It's not helping like you think it is." I grabbed my shirt and the rest of my belongings before I left. As I walked to the bus stop I slowed my pace a little bit, hoping he'd chase after me or at least show some sign that we weren't really over, even though I knew we were. He wasn't ready for what we had yet and I had to accept that. I just hope he'll last without me.

"you were red & you liked me because i was blue. but you touched me and suddenly i was a lilac sky then you decided purple just wasn't for you."

-

i struggled a lot with this so it's probably trash. halsey is a true poet so it's hard to determine what she means sometimes.

question: what's your favorite color?