fearless

Chapter 57: High on Life. Really?

Use Somebody- Kings of Leon
Ty

I walk away from the apartment, becoming more upset with Maddie with each passing second. I don't know why she's been so rude these past few days. Period, I guess.

I kick an aluminum can off the chasm bridge and into the darkness that is the chasm. I think back to the date that Maddie and I had last week.

Her face glowing as she would jump off the train, her hands on me, the way she'd laugh each time we completed a dare.

I miss it, oh god I miss it, but I'm not going back to her on my hands and knees, begging for her forgiveness.

In all honesty, I don't think I did anything wrong. Maddie always overreacts. So, this should blow over by tomorrow.

The only thing that I did wrong was walking out.

I shouldn't have done that. Maddie is probably scared shitless right now, but I'll go back after I cool off. I don't want to scare her more than I probably already did. I feel bad for doing that, but there's a point where every person explodes, and I'm hitting my point.

I groan loudly, placing my hands to my temple. A few heads turn in my direction, but I completely ignore them. I fuck everything up. Everything. Whether it's something to do with Hannah, Maddie, my friends—I hardly have any friends anymore.

Josh and I haven't talked since initiation, Jason and I talk every once in a while, but that's it. He's with Kate now. I used to have a crush on Kate, but I had to stop once they got together. That was before I met Maddie, of course. Blaire hasn't talked to me since the night that she kissed me at the chasm and I let her. You shouldn't have let me do that, She told me as she backed away from me, then turned and ran away. I look down into the Chasm at the rocky, trash filled waters, then cringe.

I'm always damaging my relationships with people, like I'm ripping wooden boards off of the rope that creates a bridge, except I cannot replace them.

Once they're gone, they're gone... forever.

I don't even know where exactly I am walking to, just that I'm going somewhere. My footsteps lead me in the direction of the pit, and up the narrow paths on the wall. They're steeper than what I remember.

I step into the dark tavern, my eyes having to adjust so that I can see. If I'm right, I should be able to find Ashton here. He works the night shift, of course. "Sup, Bro? Haven't seen you here in quite a few years!" Someone claps their hand on my back.

I turn, and see an old friend, Josh Mills, the one whom I haven't talked to or really even seen since initiation. He smiles at me as I look at his eyes.

They drift down to my hand, which holds my wedding ring. "Dude!" He holds the hand in front of my face, and I automatically think of Maddie, and my heart aches. I bite my lip, thinking of how complicated everything has been since Hannah came along.

My heart aches to go back in time, back to a few hours ago, when Maddie looked so hurt, so vulnerable. I think I truly hurt her, and I can never forgive myself for that. She might forgive me, but I can't forgive myself.

"Who?" His eyes drift back up to my head, making his short frame seem larger.

"This girl, Maddie," I say, then look down at the ring again. "She's a couple years younger than us, the same age as my brother." I look at his lips, which fade into a look of astonishment from a mere grin.