Forever His (Book 2)

Chapter 74

Chris has been helping me with everything like normal today and I was in far too much pain to do any kind of fighting or fussing. He was kind of quiet today and I knew why but I didn't know if I even wanted to talk about it anymore but I hate feeling like something is wrong. We'd been downstairs together most of the day just reading or watching TV to pass the time. I suddenly had a desire to go into the little music studio I hadn't truly used yet. "Can you help me up please?"

"Of course but where are you wanting to go sweetheart?"

"My studio."

He didn't question it he just helped me up and helped me into the studio. I sat down at the keyboard and he turned to leave but I grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Do you need something else?"

"I want to play you something."

"Alright."

He took a seat next to me on the bench and gently rubbed my back while I started playing a song I'd written over a year ago but never played for anyone. (Always been you by Jessie Murph) "Sometimes I feel like it's one-sided, like some type of unrequited love. I keep it dark, I keep it quiet but then you come around and light me up. Usually, I ain't the type to stay up all damn night THinkin' 'bout someone else. It's hard to be fine when your heart's on the line and the truth is I'm going through hell. Cause in my head it's always been you, heart in my hands hopeless 'cause no one can take it from you, you. I tried rewriting this hundreds of times but if it ain't you, it's a lie. Yeah, in my head, it's always been you, you. I been trippin', I been slidin', I'm underwater like Poseidon. Takin' up space like a hyphen. You're on my mind and I can't fight it, yeah. Sick of playin' games with myself, sick of playin' like there's someone else. 'Cause in my head, it's always been you. Heart in my hands, hopeless 'cause no one can take it from you, you. I tried rewriting it hundreds of times but if it ain't you it's a lie. Yeah in my head, it's always been you, you. Usually, I ain't the type to stay up all damn night, thinkin' about someone else. It's hard to be fine when your heart's on the line and the truth is I'm goin' through hell." 

We were both quiet for a long minute before I finally looked up to see the tears in his eyes that hadn't fallen yet. "It's beautiful."

"I wrote that after I saw your note and after I'd taken a break with Sebastian. The truth was that I always wanted you back and I never got over you. Don't get me wrong, I did have a real relationship with him and I don't want to make it seem like I didn't but I never stopped loving you, not for a single second. I just...I felt like I had to stay gone because at the end of the day, you're the man who taught me how I should be loved and what I deserved and I didn't deserve that." He opened his mouth to respond but I held up my hand. "I know we've worked through it and I trust you fully. Last night when I woke up and no one knew where you were, it felt like it was happening all over again. My first thought was that then my second was somehow Jess got you and I was so scared. You have to be able to have freedom and I know that but I need some more security before I think I'm truly ready for it. I'm sorry that I overreacted and I'm sorry I'm not ready to let you do that yet."

"You don't need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm still trying to understand what happened at the bar last night because we did not drink enough to lose my phone and keys. It doesn't matter though, I just feel horrible for worrying you and stressing you out to the point of needing paramedics.  You can trust me that I have no interest in going out anytime soon, especially with Theo being so close to being here."

"We've got a couple of weeks."

"I don't think we do, I think your stomach dropping and your extra pain means he's flipped and he's ready to go. Plus the last doctor's visit they told you they thought your original due date may be wrong."