I can't love [Kazuscara]

Deal with it!/Chapter 15

[The next day]
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He was still thinking about Kazuha the entire day, every single moment all he could think was about the things that Kazuha had said to him.

He just wanted to be alone, but at the same time he didn't want to be alone, his brain was in constant war against him, every thought was filled with contradictions that were fighting against each other. What did he want? Should he give in or he should just remain like he always was?
It was all too much for him to handle right now, but he still hoped maybe Kazuha could come here right now.

After a couple hours of trying to distract himself, he couldn't help but wonder if Kazuha would come here again to talk to him. Maybe he would go back to being all nice and caring too. Just the thought of it was a bit annoying to him, but it was still there inside his mind. He was so confused at this moment, he didn't even know what to think.
Even so, Scaramouche was betrayed three times, even by his own mother, by his family, friends, and after being rejected by Kazuha for three times, he didn't wanna have any feelings, he preferes being cold, arrogant, selfish, being only a puppet which use is to fight, and be rude to people.

He was still so focused on not wanting to have any feelings for anyone that he didn't even notice Kazuha came to visit him again. He hadn't even noticed Kazuha until he greeted him as if nothing had happened in the first place.
...
"Good morning, Kazuha..."
There was no hint of annoyance or rudeness in his tone of voice, he was completely honest and calm, but still trying to appear emotionless. This time, he wouldn't give Kazuha any other chance... as hard as it was for him.

"Good morning, Scara! How are you? Sorry for invading your house like this, hehe..."

"Don't worry about it, I didn't mind."
He wasn't rude, but he was still distant towards Kazuha. His words sounded normal, but there was something strange about the way he said it that made him sound a bit off.
"What are you doing here anyway? Is everything alright?"

"I've come here to check up on you!" Kazuha gave him a soft smile.

He had a blank expression on his face, he didn't really understand why Kazuha would still care about him, and he wondered if he even needed to ask.
"...You didn't need to do that, you know?"
He still tried his best to sound honest, but something in this whole conversation was just weird and it wasn't easy for him to explain. It made him really uncomfortable.
"You can go back and don't worry about me, I don't need you to care for me."
He tried to sound like he didn't care.

"Oh well, I know I'm disturbing you so I better be going, I need to work as well... I'm glad to know you're fine, see you!"
Kazuha was kinda sad that Scara didn't want him there, but he accepted it.

"Goodbye..."

He was relieved to be alone again.
But he was still thinking about what Kazuha had said, and it made him even more confused than before.
Why was he  so persistent? Why was he so weird with him? He was so annoying...
He was thinking about all of it with confusion and annoyance, but he didn't deny he felt something weird too.

Kazuha left, he went to Beidou's ship, he needed to work more so they don't lose clients, again, their business seemed to fall.
Meanwhile, Scaramouche was doing his best not to feel anything, and when he failed it, he always remembered his past, and how humans are worthless, and it helped him a lot to not feel at all.

He felt like he had failed himself, he couldn't keep being mean anymore.
"Why can't I go back to being like I was before!? Why am I wasting my time thinking about this stupid boy?"
He wasn't angry, he was just desperate. He didn't want to admit he had changed, and yet he finally realized that he did change after all.
"He is so annoying, yet I like to see him..."
He was ashamed of himself, but he couldn't deny what he was now thinking.

But still, Scaramouche knew he didn't had any chance with Kazuha, so he did his best to move on and hate him, he tought about how many bad things Kazuha did to him, such as rejecting him and making him cry.

He tried convincing himself that Kazuha was the worst person on the planet. He tried really hard to feel hate. He refused to believe anyone could ever like him, he was just a puppet, nothing more, nothing less.
"What am I expecting? A relationship with  like him? No one could love someone like me!"
That was just an excuse for him to give up. He still felt something for Kazuha, and he was trying so hard to deny it. He was mad at himself, after all, he was wasting his time with Kazuha again.

Scaramouche was mad at himself, he needed to stop feeling, so, he decided to go up to Raiden Shogun, his own mother, the one who created and abandoned him, to make a contract with her.

He walked through Narukami Island, looking for the Raiden Shogun. As soon as he found her, he bowed before her with pride.
"My Raiden, I need a contract..."....