I can't love [Kazuscara]

I'm only a puppet/Chapter 13

As Scaramouche went to the kitchen, he tought it would be better for him to start deleting his feelings, and become a puppet with no emotions.
He walked for a while in the hallway as he thought of deleting all his feelings. Even though right now he was hurt by Kazuha, he still knew that he loved him, and part of him didn't want to delete his feelings for Kazuha, even if that also meant that he'd be hurt and his life would be miserable. But his pain and despair were too much right now, he felt like the only way to recover from this heartbreak would be to stop feeling, to stop thinking, to stop everything.
"I can't take this pain... I can't..."
Even tought, Scaramouche tought about everything, and he decided not to feel anymore, and this time he was being serious. He would now become a emotionless puppet, like everyone told him he was.

He finally arrived at the kitchen, where the bottle of that mysterious med was. He took it with his hand and opened the lid.
"Goodbye pain..."
With a single thought in him mind, he drank the entire liquid. The taste was disgusting, and it made him wanna throw up, but the feeling of despair slowly began to fade away from his chest as he drank it.
He sat down on the floor, he felt so empty now, as if he was missing a part of himself. He didn't feel sad anymore, but he didn't feel any other emotion.
With that, Scaramouche returned to Kazuha's room, and seems like he didn't care anymore, he was as cold and arrogant...

He didn't care about how he looked like right now, he was just an empty shell now, he could be as arrogant as he wanted to be. He got back to the room with a different expression, more serious and cold, and went back to Kazuha's side.
He just stood there, looking at Kazuha's face once again. He was so devoid of feelings now, that he didn't even have the desire to bite those adorable cheeks.

"Oh, uhm... Scara are you okay?"

He didn't say a word, he was just looking right at Kazuha's face with a colder attitude than before. He just stayed like that, still, silent, as he stared directly into Kazuha's eyes.
...

Silence once again.

Kazuha felt so uneasy now that Scaramouche was in front of him with such a cold, emotionless face, he felt like he was a completely different person right now, it felt like this was the real Scaramouche, and that Kazuha never really knew him.

"Scara?"

He still didn't say a word.
...
He was still looking into Kazuha's eyes, his face expressionless, he looked at Kazuha with a cold, and serious look. It was if Kazuha had never seen him like that before, and he had no idea what to do right now. He just kept standing still right by Kazuha's side.

"Hey, idiot, are you alright?"

This question finally made him react, he seemed a little bit surprised as he heard Kazuha saying something to him while he stayed still.
...
He was still processing Kazuha's words, he was so cold and empty, he wasn't even thinking before answering.
"Yes."
That was it, he said nothing more. Kazuha felt a bit sad about this, he wished he would at least react a little bit, but he just kept standing there, emotionless.

"You don't seem to be alright..."

"I don't have to care about how I seem to be."
He said that in a very nonchalant way, it was as if he had suddenly become a robot. He didn't have any feelings, he didn't really care about anything right now. He was just there, emotionless.

"Oh... Then, that's fine, I hope you feel better, I guess..." Kazuha noticed the huge mistake he made, he decided to be more kind to Scara from now on, and to change his attitudes towards him.

"You... you don't have to hope anything good for me."
He sounded so monotone, like a cold machine.
"I don't need anything good or bad to happen to me, I will be fine no matter what. I don't feel any feeling anymore, so I'll be alright."