I can't love [Kazuscara]

I got weird desires/Chapter 18

"Oh....Scara~"
______________

He tried to get him to stand up.
"Kazuha..."
Kazuha tried to stand but he couldn't, he felt weak and kept coughing. Scaramouche tried to help him again, he had to take care of him, it was his responsibility if he let him drink all that alcohol.
Slowly, Kazuha got worse. Soon he was throwing up on the deck, it was awful to watch. Scaramouche felt bad for him, but he also felt responsible and he wanted to help.

After throwing up, Kazuha went to Scaramouche, grabbed his waist and got his face closer to his.
"Oh...God damn it, you look so fucking hot."

"Kazuha!"
His face got red as he heard what he said, his face was close to his and he felt his breath.
It felt so different having Kazuha so close to him like this. He knew he couldn't feel this way, he had to be annoyed at him and yet he felt hot and embarrassed by what he was doing now. He tried to stop him, but Kazuhas body was heavy and it felt impossible to push him away.

Kazuha approached Scaramouche, their bodies now touching.

"Hey! What are you doing!?"
Their bodies were touching and Scaramouche started to feel more and more heated. His hands started to move to hold Kazuha, to push him away, but his movements were slow. He didn't understand what was happening anymore. How did he end up like this?

"Oh....you look hot when you're mad... Scara~"

"Stop this, please..."
He was confused, he didn't understand what was going on. He felt his face getting red as Kazuha kept saying that, he had no idea how to react. Was he really hot now?! He was confused and embarrassed, he only knew that he wanted it to end.
His voice was still cold and arrogant, but his face was saying something different. He had lost control of his feelings, he was too confused to keep that cold facade any longer.

Kazuha kissed Scaramouche.

His eyes widened as Kazuha's lips touched his. He was so surprised by what was happening, he felt his heart beating so fast right now. And for a moment, he felt like giving in to him and letting him do what he wanted. His body was so confused now, he didn't know what to do or what to feel.
"Kazuha... please, no... I... I can't..."
He couldn't get out the words, he was starting to panic as he could feel Kazuha's lips still there, waiting for him to kiss him back.

He wanted to push Kazuha away, he wanted this to stop, and yet he felt Kazuha's lips on his own, touching him with a lot of passion. He got lost in what he felt and forgot what he was supposed to do.
Beidou and Xiangling saw from a distance how Scaramouche slapped Kazuha, they exchanged a confused look, they didn't know what to think. They knew Scaramouche, they didn't expect him to just slap Kazuha without any reason.

"Ouch...was it necessary to slap me?!"

He was breathing fast, his face was red and flushed, as if he was the one being slapped. His arrogance was completely gone, he felt so small now. He knew if he slapped Kazuha, he would break any illusion he was trying to keep. There was no way to hide it now. He wanted to feel his heart beat again, he wanted to feel warmth inside him, he wanted to be human.
He kept looking at Kazuha, his expression was one of pure confusion, as if he couldn't understand anything that was happening right now.
Scaramouche knew he was supposed to be a puppet without feelings, he was very confused...

"Stupid... stupid Kazuha... You didn't have to kiss me. You didn't have to go this far. You shouldn't have..."
He insulted without thinking, but the words he said felt different in his own mind.
He felt weak in that moment, he didn't understand what was going on. Why did this happen to him?