dumb love ~ jordan baker

20. ghosting.

I was at the bakers. I haven't seen or contacted Jordan for the last four days since we found out he got a girl pregnant. I knock on the door and it's him, "Ivie- hey," he immediately hugs me.

"Hi," I say gently. "I'm sorry, I've been distant, just been thinking through things,"

"No, you're fine, I have been too," he smiles, " come in,"

I follow him and sit down at their kitchen counter, "have you talked to Simone?"

"Uh, yeah, just about an appointment, I'm not sure how involved I should be," he rambles.

"Jordan, I think you should be in your baby's life," I say, "a baby needs their dad,"

"Ivie-"

"No listen, I don't know if we should be together because of it, it's not fair to Simone, she needs you," I say to him.

"Ivie, I need you, I can't be without you again, I mean what have I done? I'm having a baby with a girl who I don't love, I love you and I need you, please stay," he pleads with me.

"Jordan I don't think it's fair to me either, I mean your gonna be having all your firsts with this baby and her, if we got married and had kids you'd be experienced and I'd just have the constant reminder that you already went through this," I speak my whole mind. "I want to be with you though,"

"Please, don't end us yet, you will be involved with this baby too, I need you,"

I nod, "I need you too," I wrap my arms around him. "But Jordan, this is life changing and I'm sixteen you just turned seventeen,"

"I know- I know Ivie, it's a lot to ask, but-"

"Jordan I'll be here for you always, but I don't think I'll be helping with this baby," I say, "it's gonna hurt me too much,"

He nods, " yeah I get it, but can we not talk about it right now? Liv's upstairs we could watch a movie?"

I smile lightly, "yeah, I can,"

Olivia comes downstairs and we start a show, Jordan's phone keeps buzzing, he picks it up and I glance over when I see it's Simone's contact. He hangs up on her, "not cool Jordan," Liv sighs.

"Yeah, well it was Simone," Jordan crosses his arms.

"Oh good, I don't as hoping it's the mother of your unborn child that you were ignoring," Liv scoffs.

"You've been ignoring her?" I ask Jordan.

"Look, her ultrasound is at the same time as the south Crenshaw rematch, ok? I can't go, I don't want her to feel like I'm bailing," Jordan tries explaining.

"Right, cause that makes sense," I tilt my head.

"Ghosting her felt like the better solution? She's pregnant and alone," liv sighs:

"Can we stop talking about her? I feel awkward," I admit my true feeling. Liv's own phone starts buzzing and she ignores it.

"Not cool Olivia," Jordan teases.

"This is different," she defends herself.

"Mm since when do you ignore Asher?" Jordan asks.

"Since we sort of.." she trails off.

"Oh!" I make a little noise.

"Yeah I don't need to hear details, thank you," Jordan turns his head back to the tv.

"We just kissed, and we were fully sober, I don't know, I really do like him," Olivia admits.

"Then what's the problem?" I ask her.

"I'm just hesitant to go there with him, I don't know why," she shrugs.

"Liv uh the last time you guys got together you were in a bad place. Maybe you just don't want to be reminded of your addiction," Jordan suggests.

The door opens. "Yeah it's not exactly something you forget," Olivia mumbles. "Every day I make an active choice to stay sober,"

"Ok but do you need yet another reminder?" Jordan asks.

"Reminder of what?" Mrs. Baker asks putting a bunch of bags on the kitchen counter.

"Hi, mom," Jordan greets her.

"Ok son," Mrs. Bakers snaps her fingers, "grocery duty,"

"You got it," he sighs getting up. She leaves the room.

"I felt that chill,"

"Yeah, I think she's still upset that I went to dad about the pregnancy first, hence the freezing out," Jordan explains pulling groceries out of the bags.

"Well now you know how Simone feels," Liv says.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," I stand up feeling awkward.

I shut the bathroom door and lock it leaning against the door and pulling myself down to the floor starting to cry. I can't do this. I need to end us, it isn't fair. I can't handle one conversation with Simone being mentioned in it.

I didn't realize I was in there long until Jordan knocked on the door, "vie? You ok?"

I sniffle, trying to sound fine, "I'm good,"

I hear him try to open the door, "can you let me in?"

I stand up and I open the door, I go and wrap my arms around him immediately. "Jordan, I can't do this,"

"Do what?" He asks.

"I can't be with you," I mumble, "I really want to be, but anytime Simone gets mentioned I feel sick to my stomach, and you need to make time for her, for your baby, for your new family,"

"Babe," he mumbles, "no, not again,"

"Jordan, I- I have to, ok? We can still be best friends, just not together anymore," I sigh.

"But I love you," he tells me.

"I know, I love you too, but we need to do this," i sniffle.

"Ivie-"

I cut him off, "Jordan I can't change my mind, I want to be with you, but it's not possible at least for now,"

I pull away from our hug, "I think I need to go,"

He nods, "ok, I'll see you,"

"Yeah,"

I leave the Bakers and I start driving around, blasting music and crying. I didn't realize how long I drove for till my dad was calling me, wondering where I was.

I went home. I had a bunch of missed calls from all of my friends. Guessing Jordan told them about the break up and they wanted to check on me. I didn't answer them. Jordan called me too, I really wanted to answer him. But I physically can't.

I don't go to school for the next two days, my parents claim I needed the mental health days. I agree, but it just made my friends worry more. No one came to my house though, just texts and calls which I never answered.