OH, Black Cats

193. Ajax Petropolus | Shut Up

Tumblr : baby-bearie

pairing: ajax petropolus x reader

warnings: fights, cussing, the usual cheese

genre: angst with fluff, 1.2k words

***

"C'mon. Don't do that." Ajax huffs, hands stuffed in his pockets. He stands a good eight feet away from you.

"Do what? Seriously, Jax, do what? Tell me what we are doing, I would love to know." Your eyes widen as you speak.

Ajax is an ass. Ajax has no idea how to communicate. Ajax is telling you, after about two years of flirting and leading you on, that he needs space to figure out what he wants.

"Don't do that! I'm not doing this to be mean, Y/n. I seriously just need to figure my own shit out. Give me some fuckin' time!"

You want to scream. You want to shove his stupid beanie into his stupid face and accept the rocky consequences. "Time? You want time?" You seethe.

He does not take the hint that he should immediately say no. "Yes! I swear, Y/n, I do like-" "Shut up, Ajax. Fuck you."

You interrupt him. Ajax groans at the sky and prepares to deal with the next argument you throw at him, but it never comes. He looks back at you, and is terrified.

There are tears in your eyes. And he has no idea when they began or what he's done, but Ajax is speechless for the first time in years. Finally, after standing so far from you during this whole spectacle, he takes one step towards you. "Y/n, don't cry, I didn't mean to upset you."

You take a step back. "Shut up. God, just shut up," your voice is weak and you sniffle in the pauses between words. Ajax feels each pause somewhere in his stomach, a hit to his soul. "You know what, Ajax," you back further away from him, "You want time, you got it. Take all the time you need. Take forever. It doesn't matter anymore. I can't wait anymore for you to decide whether or not you actually want me. You have ruined me for two years. I won't give you more time, Ajax. Take it for yourself."

You finish strong, which you think is a win. At least you have not lost all of your dignity in front of him. But he watches your bottom lip tremble, and he feels panic rise in him. His hands are shaking and he is suddenly remembering the way he felt the first time he stoned his best friend and ultimately thought they were dead. The fear that he has forced you away and is now really, finally, losing you takes hold. Time. He just needs time. He just needs to figure out how he can permanently stop himself from turning you into stone, just enough time for that. But how does he say that? 'I'm so sorry my hair is made of snakes and every time I get near you I want to be extremely close to you and I'm terrified that I might hurt you and it scares the shit out of me, but I can't really get rid of them, please give me time to figure out how?'

He supposes that is exactly how he should tell you, but he has no words. Instead he sputters out, "Wait," as he's watching you walk away from him. And the way you don't pause for him, don't wait at all, should be reason enough for him to leave you alone.

But when has he ever been reasonable?

And so he trails behind you like a lost puppy, gasping for air in between his words as he tells you he really does want to be with you. His feet drag through puddles of recent rain, and your hair is a little damp, and first he hopes your sniffles are because of the weather and not him. Then he wonders how long you'd been out here before he came looking. How long did you wait for him to realize you were gone?

He hopes the splashes the puddles make cover up the wavers in his own voice. "Y/n, please, just listen. I swear it's not like that. No one else. There's nobody but you, Y/n. I'll fix it, okay? Just a little time, okay? You know how I feel about you. Please, Y/n. Say something."

He mumbles the last part as you enter your dorm room. You turn around to close the door and he sees your face as you grip the frame.

"It's late, Ajax. You should go."

He does not want to go. He is running on pure adrenaline and a little weed when he scales the brick wall up to your dorm window. His mind has never been clearer. The deadly climb up here locked in his plan and his words. He finds the door onto the balcony is unlocked and he stumbles into your room.

You groan and stand. "Jax, go."

"Shut up." He snaps, pointing a finger at you. "Sit down. Shut up and sit down. Listen. I have something to say."

You sit down on the bed. You prop your hand on your palm and nod to him to talk.

He takes the hint. "I get it, okay? I'm stupid. Dumb as fuck. Really out of the loop. And I'm bad at telling you what's going on, but it's only because I really like you. Never felt like this for anyone. You know that. You know I'm head over heels for you." He tilts his head to the side.

"Cheesy," You mutter.

"Shut up." He points again. "And I'm sorry if I made you feel any different. I didn't know I was doing that. But, Y/n, I'm so scared of being with you. I'm so scared of hurting you. And don't tell me it's only temporary, it wouldn't just be temporary. Things would be different." He doesn't say the word, but you know what he means. "You wouldn't trust me, I'd be even more scared of you. Don't look at me like that, I've thought this out. I'm smart enough to know what that would mean. And what about when I fuck up? I have no brain around you. I'll do something stupid and I'll hurt you like I am now." He rambles, eyebrows drawing closer together as he word-vomits in front of you. He looks away for a second, as if he's trying to string his mind together. You know what he means.

"You ever want something so bad, that when the chance to have it comes, you can't take it? Because you have no idea what it'll feel like? And you've wanted it for so long, that now you can't ruin it. And if you do, it'll be all on you. And you won't even have that chance anymore, you'll have nothing. And what do I do if I have nothing, Y/n? What do I do if I mess up? How do I fix it?" He finishes finally, and finds that he's made his way closer to you. Closer than he's been in weeks, close enough for you to stand and grasp his hand.

"You're fixing it now, Jax."

He looks down at your hand holding his. "I'm not great at this." He whispers.

"You'll learn." You answer.

He looks up at you and is relieved by your smile.

"Do you still need time?" You tease, eyebrows high.
He surges forward, pressing his lips to yours, practically suffocating you. He presses warm kisses to your face and then your neck, walking you backwards towards your bed.

You push away from him and he chases after your lips, leaning forward.

"Actually, how did you even get in?" He silences your question with another kiss, hand coming up to grasp the side of your neck, thumbing over your jaw.

He shakes his head, "Shut up. Seriously. I have waited so long for this, shut up."