You made walking easy

Wait, This Is What You Think?

CARINA POV

Today is our first therapy session as a couple. I'm proud of Maya for going to therapy and suggesting I join. I know she's been a bit cautious about talking about the pregnancy and I honestly get it completely. We walked into the office where we introduced ourselves.

"It's nice to meet you Carina. Congrats on the pregnancy, how are you feeling about it?" Diane asks me, right we're jumping straight into it.

"It's nice to meet you too. I'm happy about the pregnancy, I know it's the natural progression of a relationship and it felt right for us. I know Maya has some worries about being a parent but I think she'll be great. There's literal living proof since she keeps in touch with the children she saves from the fires. I think when I first found out I was pregnant, I got instantly anxious about what the future would look like. It was a lot at once and I don't think I knew what to do. So, I found out about 2 hours before Maya came home, and when she did come home she caught me crying. I didn't know how to tell her, truthfully I was expecting her to run again. I think I was just thinking about the whole engagement thing and how it was a positive but she ran. I didn't want her to do it again" I say truthfully while looking between Maya and Diane.

"Wow, so that engagement escape was quite damaging to you, it caused you anxiety. Do you think that Maya will continue to run whenever there's news, no matter if it's positive or negative?" She asks back. I now see what Maya means when she says that Diane asks a lot of questions!

"Yeah it did give me anxiety, I didn't know where she was and didn't know when she was coming back. She'd never ran like that before while we've been in a relationship so it shocked me. We've talked about it and now I understand why she did it but at the time it was terrifying. I don't know if Maya has explained that we now have a signal that she can give me when she needs space or to run and it has been working great, Maya also now almost exclusively runs in our gym when she needs to run because of stress. That helps me feel calmer because I know exactly where she is and that she's safe." I reply.

"Does having a gym at home and signals that both of you understand, reassure you completely?" She asks

"Yeah both tell me what she needs and where she is. If she's at work its slightly harder but I am okay with it. Of course, I still get anxious when she runs but that's purely because of stories I've heard from her past" I reply while looking at Maya, I know she didn't know I was told things. She frowns and furrows her eyebrows when she takes in what I've said.

"Okay, Maya how do you feel about Carina hearing about your past experiences with running?" Diane asks Maya.

"I have nothing to hide but I'm shocked that she's heard it from other people. Who told you what?" Maya replies solely towards me.

"Maya, wanting to know who said what could cause you to have a witch hunt and we both know it's not productive. How does her knowing about your past affect you now that you know?" Diane asks her.

"I'm just shocked and want to know what they've said. I know I don't need to know who said what, I shouldn't expect that. I also know that I have told you some things that caused me to run but never to what extent and I think maybe we should sit down and I can talk through each run and why it happened. Maybe we could do that here?" Maya questions both Diane and me. I'm happy she wants to communicate her past experiences and I think having Diane there will help her with the communication. I quickly nod and grin, showing that I like the idea.

"I think that's a great idea Maya. Now I just want to go back to you Carina before our session finishes. I wanted to ask some questions about your pregnancy and how you feel, a bit more in detail than before. The session before this one, Maya told me that she was afraid of turning into her dad and she's said she'd be uncomfortable having any involvement in the child's hobbies. How do you feel about that?" Diane asks me

"I'm aware she feels that way. I know that however many times I reassure her, it needs to come from her. Personally, I know she'll be a great parent since every time she's been with a child she has been such a motherly figure. I get why she would question herself, but I think the fact she's questioning herself shows that she isn't like her dad. She has the self-awareness and I think that's what her dad lacked." I say to Diane confidently. I know Maya is really affected by the idea of doing something wrong and I know that won't change until after we have our daughter.

"Talking about her dad, do you think he will be in your child's life? What about your family?" Diane asks

"I think we both agree that he won't have any involvement with the child. Maya's mom and dad have recently separated and we have said to her mom that if she goes back, she won't be around our child. We do not want him near our child. As for my parents they are back in Italy, so they will be involved but not as much. I think we've been talking about spending a few weeks a year in Italy so they can grow up with the culture and around my Italian family. I know that the child will have a large amount of people in their life who will be seen as aunts or uncles because of our jobs. My friends who are almost exclusively doctors and Maya's being firefighters have really meshed together into one group of friends. So, I can see them all being involved on some level. Both of our brothers will definitely be involved in the child's life and both are very excited!" I reply.

"It's good both of you agree on the roles of people around you. I can see that you've built a supportive environment that the child will grow up in. I think today has been great, if you want to do another meeting soon, call me. Let me know if you would want them together or separate. Thanks guys" Diane says so we leave.

I'm pleasantly surprised by the session. I've had my fair share of therapy and I haven't found a therapist which had the patience that Diane has. I can see why Maya uses her.

-

"How are you babe? I know therapy can be tiring. Do you want to get ice cream or a takeaway for tonight?" Maya checks in.

"I'm actually good, bambina. It was eye opening but good. I think we should get both, shouldn't we?" I say back earning a peck and a huge smile.