Everything You Wanted Me To Be.

Chapter 18

"Grace Baby....Grace...." I feel gentle shaking and I wake up with a start and blink.
"Mmmm?"
"Grace it's half one, you said our appointment was at two? I checked your phone for where you rang, it's about 20 minutes from here so we should get going." I nod and smile, I'm still tired but I stand up. I slip on my toms, I can't be bothered with boots right now. I walk to the door and Jace locks up and takes my hand while we walk to the car.
"I'll drive, you're still tired." I smile and nod climbing into the passenger seats, Jace climbs in the drivers side and looks over at me and grins.
"I still can't believe you're mine again, I didn't think you'd sit there again." I blush. He's such a soft person for me.
"I love you." I reply quietly and dose back off, I really am tired aren't I?
I wake up to the beeping of the parking sensors.
"Ah welcome back sleepy head. Good timing I've just pulled in baby." I nod and grab a bottle of water from the footwell, a constant in both mine and Jaces car. I take a sip and it has the desired effect. We walk into the health centre and check in for our appointment. We haven't even sat down before a older nurse walks out "Mr & Mrs Atlas?" Jace takes my hand and squeezes it when she says 'our surname' and walks towards her.
"Good afternoon, welcome to the clinic, we are so pleased you chose us. If you follow me the doctors will give you a full health screening and then allow you to ask any questions you may have." I nod and smile, Jace doesn't acknowledge that the lady. She leads us into a room, it's the nicest doctors room I've ever seen, I'm use to public health, but Atlas, well I mean Jace indirectly finds private healthcare. I'm in aware of how nice but sterile the room is, Jace picks up on my awe and leans down and whispers in my ear. "Do you think you can get use to being Mrs Atlas?" I laugh and smile at him. Both our eyes are glowing I know.
The nurse motions for me to sit on the bed and Jace to sit on a nearby chair. When the two doctors come in.
"Good afternoon guys, I understand this is just a preliminary registration appointment for yourself Mr Atlas, and Mrs Atlas you'd like to get on some contraception and have some bloods done?" I nod and smile and Jace pipes up "yeah that's right, can you also do a full MOT on her please?" I look at him and glare. The doctor laughs
"Of course Mr Atlas. Mrs Atlas are you happy with that?" I nod and smile. Once again I find myself speechless. The doctors run through some questions with us both while a nurse draws my blood, it hurts but barely, Jace holds my hand but looks away. He never could stand me being in any form of pain.
They move onto the contraception part of the appointment.
"Mrs atlas we are just going to do an internal examination, would you like your husband to leave the room?"
"I'm not leaving." Jace piped up politely before I say anything. "It's fine really he can say." The doctor nods and smiles. He inserts his probe as expected but furrows his brow. My eyes flash with worry and Jace pans between me and the doctor.
"What is it?" Jace says aggressively.
"It's nothing to worry about don't worry, I can see you've had a pretty traumatic pregnancy before. You have a lot of scar tissue. It won't be an issue for contraception, but it will make conceiving a bit harder, still possible, but just be mindful it will take longer than expected." Jace looks up at me in anger he's furious. "Jace it was the miscarriage." I squeak out quietly and his face turns to horror. The doctor interrupts the silent argument happening "oh goodness yes sorry, to clarify this scaring can come from pregnancy or miscarriage. Your wife's miscarriage caused this. I'm so sorry she hasn't had a child in the way it may have sounded."
Jace nods. The doctor continues asking questions about Jace and myself, he rights me a prescription for the pill. I am completely zoned out. Harder to conceive? What does that mean? Can I have a baby? My eyes are filling with tears and I fight them off. Jace standing up breaks my emotional circle. "Thanks doctor" Jace says and pulls me out the room, he is very much pulling me to the car, the world around me has stopped, there is a ringing in my ear. He said harder, is that impossible or just harder?
Jace opens the door to the car, he virtually stuffs me in, I assume I can't remember. He turns to face me once he's in the drivers seat and cups my face. "Grace I'm sorry how I reacted in there, but he made it really clear we can still have children, it'll just be harder." I nod. Jace has brought me back down from my panic.
"Yeah...harder." My eyes full with tears and Jace pushes his chair release allowing it to fall back, he pulls me onto him and he embraces me in a tight bear hug.
"Baby I promise, I promise if you want children we will make it happen, we will pay for the best doctors there is, we will have another child I promise you." His words comfort me. I'm not sure why this has effected me so much. I kind of assumed that it would be as easy as it was last time when we were ready. We sit there in this embrace in the car for what feels like ages. Jace brushes my hair off my tears stained face. "Where to next baby?" I sit up and look at the time it's 15.30 already. "Shit our optician's appointment is literally now the other side of town."
"Grace baby it's fine; we will just pay the cancellation and re-arrange don't worry, I'll call them tomorrow. When is the dentist?"
"It's at half 4 but it's a while from here."
"Then we will leave now." Jace smiles and returns me to my seat. He plugs the satnav and we leave. I just stare out the window thinking about what a state I am for barely any reason.