Weird World [H.S]

88.

I stared at the screen of Harry's iPad, my finger swiping through the endless colleges, universities and applications that I was searching for.

I wasn't sure exactly what I was looking to do, but I knew I wanted to go back to school so I suppose that was a start in itself.

Harry wasn't aware that I had nicked his iPad, but my mind became so drawn in making a start in what we talked about in the bathroom back at the hut that my patience had began wearing thin- so I needed to make a start somehow.

Basically, the sooner I started to search, the better really.

As I searched endlessly through google, I wondered for a second what life would be like being alone back home in Wales and studying, and Harry travelling back and forth to see me.

It wasn't ideal, not really, but I wasn't sure if I was ready or not to make that transition from Wales to London... not yet anyway.

But then, that got me thinking.

What was left for me in Wales anyway?

Apart from my Gran and my parents' burial place, there was absolutely nothing.

Phoebe was surely going to be moving to London with Liam anyway, it hadn't been mentioned to me as such, but I had to be realistic here- there was no way in hell was she going to stay in Wales while Liam would be in London, so obviously they were going to be together, especially now that they were engaged and expecting.

I couldn't see Liam living in Wales if I was completely honest with myself, so I had nothing, not really.

Apart from my Gran, my parents' graves, Alex and baby Isabelle, I had nothing here for me anymore.

Biting my lip, my mind drifted to an idea of what moving to London would be like... I mean, Phoebe would be there, obviously not in North London where Harry was living, but she'd only be a short drive away... and then there was Harry himself.

He was based mainly in London anyway, so that was perfect for the both of us, and when he had to work or go to LA for meetings, knowing that I would be in London waiting for him to come back to me gave me tingles.

But could I leave Wales, my Gran, Alex and my beautiful goddaughter?

No, probably not, but I knew Gran would be the first to say that I should fuck off and finally start living my life and not hang around watching it pass me by.

But that was the hardest part for me, she was the only family I had left and I didn't want to leave her.

I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her and I was stuck in London.

What if something had happened and I wouldn't be able to get to her on time?

There goes those bloody what ifs again.

And then there was Alex and Isabelle, someone who had came into my life because of my friendship with Clare; and a little girl who had lost her mother too at her birth.

I was determined to help her and not let her live her life the way I had.

But there had to be some way around this, some way I could make this work so everyone including myself was happy... because I think after my conversation with Harry in the bathroom a few days ago, I had learned that I had to keep my word and start living, and doing the things that I wanted to do.

And I really wanted to go back to school, and be with Harry in whatever way I could, so with intense curiosity, I began googling colleges and universities in Hampstead, wondering where that would take me.