Weird World [H.S]

87.

There is nothing more disappointing than feeling like you are ready, getting your head around something that could potentially happen after having it filled with thoughts, dreams, what ifs and your partner's hope- and then looking down at a negative pregnancy test.

I felt a number of things in those few precious moments in the bathroom alone.

Hope. Denial. Anger. Depression. Stupidity. Self doubt. Hatred.

In one final twist of faith, a massive fuck you from the heavens above or whatever else that felt the need to shit on me, I felt absolutely everything in a whirlwind of emotions that had me crying in seconds.

I knew it.

I knew I wasn't pregnant, but he wouldn't listen to me would he?

I knew deep down I wasn't, I would have known, it's my body and I would have fucking known surely?

But I still felt so angry, angry at Harry for filling my head with shit and angry at Phoebe and Anne for filling his head with shit too.

I was angry at my body for betraying me, angry for even allowing my guard to drop and to allow this to go on for as far as I did.

I was angry at myself for being angry at Harry, when it really wasn't his fault... not really.

He was pulled into this too, made to feel like this was possible and giving him that slight bit of hope that I would be- but I wasn't and in a cruel twist of fate, I now had the job of facing him and breaking the news that I wasn't pregnant.

And I probably never was going to be pregnant.

Enough was enough.

Pulling myself together, I furiously wiped away my tears and splashed my face with cold water in the sink.

I wasn't sure how long I had been in here for, but my question soon answered itself when a slight, nervous knock came at the door- and Harry's voice followed through it.

"Iz?"

I said nothing, I just balanced myself against the bathroom counter with my hands, staring at my tired and worn out complexion in the mirror.

I was still feeling sick, and to put it nicely, I felt like going the other end too if I was being completely honest.

I felt like utter shit, and the stomach cramps and abdominal pains weren't helping me out either.

I had a lack of energy and weakness about me, my temperature was through the roof, and all I wanted to do was fall onto my bed and sleep for eternity to ease my aching muscles- and forget any of this actually ever happened.

"Izzy?"

Again, I didn't answer.

I didn't know what to feel really, I felt... confused more than anything.

How could I feel this much emotion in one spurt?

"Iz?" Harry knocked again, "Is everything okay?"

I bit my lip, his voice sinking into me and making me want to curl up into a ball and cry on the bathroom floor.

Because of the shakes and how weak I felt, I took the opportunity to slide against the cupboard door and sit on the tiled floor, supporting myself because I just couldn't hack standing anymore.

"Baby, can I come in? You've been ages."

I mumbled something back, I wasn't even sure myself what I said, but Harry took that as his cue and the door suddenly opened, taking two deep strides into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him firmly.