Weird World [H.S]

62.

Laying in bed, I closed my phone off, sighing to myself deeply.

How had it come to this, seriously?

How had any of it come to this?

In just a couple of days, Harry was going to be leaving to go back to Europe for the tour, which I was 100% dreading.

It seemed at first we had all the time in the world, but now it was looming over us pretty quickly, and things, thanks to my part, were pretty strained between Harry and I.

Since we had arrived back at his mother's, we had a screaming match that pretty much ended up in tears (thankfully neither Anne or Robin were around) and then what should have been some really hot angry make-up sex, didn't turn into hot angry make-up sex, because I was utterly incapable of blocking out my inner demons.

Not to mention my inability to orgasm, which I knew had been bothering Harry ever since.

I knew that Harry was feeling the strain though, and somehow I could tell that he felt like he hadn't done enough for me lately, but he had.

Everything he had done or was doing for me, was completely perfect; but I knew that our impending chat regarding my recent behaviour was coming whether I liked it or not.

Most importantly, I was dreading him leaving me and going on tour when we were like this.

I didn't want him to leave and travel to endless countries while I was suffering in silence, I didn't want him out there hitting the stage and being happy, when I was slowly dying inside.

It was completely selfish, but I didn't want to be apart from him, and I wished more than anything that I could just be completely open and honest with him before he left for tour.

My mind was driving me crazy listening to Harry breathe beside me and sleep like an angel, so quietly, I forced myself up out of the bed and pulled on one of his shirts, before making my way downstairs and perching myself at the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

I had really enjoyed our time in Holmes Chapel, even if it had been slightly rocky in the beginning thanks to Gemma, but I was pleased that we had managed to come through it together.

I wasn't sure if we were always going to be on friendly terms with one another whenever Harry brought me here, but I would have liked to have thought that she was genuine and wouldn't have made a mockery out of her apology.

Plus, we really seemed to had gelled at Des and Jo's engagement party.

Then there was Robin and Anne, who were probably two of the most nicest people I had ever met.

I hadn't really expected much if I was honest, knowing the sort of heart Harry had, it had to have come from a good place and that good place was obviously his mother.

I had huge, huge respect for her already and that was mostly down to the fact that she was honest with me and straight to the point- something which I liked immensely.

I also loved the way she loved her family and was fiercely protective over them, which was something that I had never experienced.

Thinking of Anne, eventually lead me to think of my own mother, and I wasn't sure why that happened, but I think I knew deep down.

Being without my mother, the most important person in my world, growing up without her was nothing less than traumatic, and with her being absent from my entire life, lead me into feeling bitter towards other people who did have their mothers.

I just never realised it until now.

Growing up as a child in a household without parents, caused numerous difficulties throughout my life.