moonlight {h.s}

she

first update of the year
and it's a trippy one

bare in mind that it's quite chaotic
as it's imitating a trip where everything
changes quick and fast

missed u guys

Harry

"Have you ever done these before?" He asked, handing me the packet of drugs.

"Never." I replied, anxiously opening it and emptying the contents into my palm. My eyes lit up as I felt the drugs, feeling power in my hands.

"You're gonna see some crazy stuff man. You ready for that?" I looked up at him chuckling.

"Mate, I've done coke I'll be alright with some mushrooms." I sounded cocky but I didn't care. I think I sounded like this a lot recently.

"Don't dick around Styles. Coke is not a hallucinogenic, mushrooms are. I'm just telling you, you're gonna see some shit. Just remember, it's not real alright. It's just in your head."

"Yeah whatever." I handed my dealer a handful of cash, and threw back the mushrooms. My mouth became dry and I tasted the sour feeling of dirt.

"Good luck man, that's 2.5g. Remember, it isn't real..." He said, walking out the front door and back to his car.

I was staying at my place in London whilst we were here for shows. The alcohol hadn't been giving me the hit I needed, so I was trying other substances.

In New York I had started taking coke again. When I was in the band I dabbled, but I always felt a level of control. I had to stay on the straight and narrow for the image. But now, no one could control me.

We'd just started the first European leg of tour, doing a show in Paris and Germany. Something had been off, Paris was a mindfuck. I couldn't get her out of my head the whole time. It was driving me insane, so insane I was drunk half the time trying to forget her.

Ever since, I had been desperately trying to block her out with anything I possibly could. It had become a lot of drinking, a lot of drugs, late nights and lonely hotel rooms.

Maybe I had finally become a real rockstar

I wondered how long they would take to hit and prayed for the memories to fade away. I wanted a colourful escape, something Beatle like.

Being in my London didn't help the situation I was in. If Paris felt bad, London was like my own personal hell. My house was still full of her and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it.

Her books, her makeup, her clothes, everything. The breakup was so sudden, we never had the period of handing our things back to each other. Well I didn't at least.

When I arrived to my house a few days ago there were boxes labelled "Harry's House" which were full of all my stuff from both her New York apartment and London flat.

I had no idea where she was staying, or if she had gone to LA and stayed with Kendall or Jaden. I had no idea where she was, but I felt like she was with me. I couldn't bring myself to send any of her stuff back, not yet. My house was nothing without her in it.

Sarah kindly reminded me the last time I saw her, "It's impossible to erase the time you spent together. What you had was special and isn't worth forgetting."

But it wasn't that simple. How can I remember the good times, without being reminded of everything I lost?

I looked over at the clock above my mantle piece, realising nearly 50 minutes had past. How had 50 minutes passed?