moonlight {h.s}

this is me trying

everything's beginning to unravel
buckle up for this one

tw: mention
of alcoholism, drug use

Sydney

I sat cross legged on my sofa, watching snow fall onto my frosted balcony. Next to me sat my guitar and journal.

I'd spent all day crying, and writing. My body had felt numb for so long, and finally, after years, it was letting out all my pent up feelings.

I hadn't answered my phone, or spoke to anyone in days. Louis dropped me home in tears, and begged to stay and make sure I was okay, but I was adamant he left me be.

I needed to just wallow in some sadness for a while.

My thoughts were interrupted by a rushed tapping on my front door. I pealed my blanket off of my lap, and creeped over, very confused who it could be.

I looked through the peep hole, and saw Harry, looking very agitated and scared. I quickly unlatched the door, and slowly opened it.

Once Harry could see me on the other side, he threw himself into my arms, clinging onto my pyjamas like I might disappear.

"Oh thank god you're okay."

I was extremely confused, and slowly pulled back.

"Hey H...what's going on? Why are you here, you're supposed to be in Scotland?" I stood, with a puzzled look on my face.

He let out a breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Louis called me. He was freaked, said you weren't okay and had some sort of melt down at a Liam Gallagher concert. I got the first flight I could, when you didn't answer any calls?" He explained, and I mentally cursed myself for switching my phone off.

"I...I'm so sorry...I just needed time to myself. I'm fine really."

I turned away from him, and went into the kitchen to make some tea, and distance myself.

"Syd you're not...what the hell happened? Louis said he had to drag you out of there so no one saw you...he said you couldn't stop crying."

Harry still had a scared look on his face, probably having all sorts of ideas running wild through his mind. He followed me into the kitchen, desperate to have some sort of answer. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I couldn't make everything real again.

"I'm fine really Harry, I told Louis the same. It was just a lack of sleep, and anxiety fuelled panic attack. I used to get them as a kid, and still do sometimes. I'm fine I promise."

"Then why won't you look me in the eye?" He stood directly in front of me, as I kept my gaze on the floor.

"Stop it Harry, I told you I'm fine...now can you leave me alone." I tried to push past him, building those protective walls.

"No Sydney, you don't get to do this. You're not pushing me away when I'm trying to be there for you." He exclaimed, as I wiggled out of his grip.

"You want to be there for me? Then go home, I don't want to talk to anyone!" I shouted, feeling a burning in the back of my throat as tears pricked in my eyes.