Unsuccessful

When you are born again...

Tessa's Point of View...

Hey Hardin,

Today, I passed my due date. I was supposed to be admitted last week but it seems like your daughters are just as stubborn as their father. I cannot wait any longer for this pregnancy to get over with. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant but for the past 7 months I have been useless, doing nothing, only eating, having my medicines, and taking rest. Ohh..and shopping. Yes, Shopping. I know..I know what you will say that Tess, you never liked shopping before but trust me that's a new hobby I found myself liking a lot lately. Maybe it's because of my hormones or whatever, who cares, Matthew pays the bills anyway.

I don't have any names yet for our daughters. How terrible I am? I mean I had 9 months to think about names for our daughters but I got nothing. Technically speaking less than 7 months, but still. I know I suck at this. Well, you were always the best in this. So, I often imagine what names you would have suggested?

Actually, I do have two names at the top of my mind, I don't know if you will like them. Maybe when I give birth and when the doctors handed me our babies, the names will come automatically to me. We will see. I mean first, these two have to make up their minds to leave my body.

I have spent the last 9 months thinking about you, missing you, loving you. Every time I think about you, I get the same dream on repeat. Me sitting at the staircase of our backyard, watching you play with our children. Our two girls running in a circle around you, while you balance a very healthy baby boy, our boy on the back of your shoulder. All of you laughing, enjoying the company of each other, while I watch my family.

In the dream, Hardin, you look so happy, so relaxed, so peaceful, like I have never seen you before. I don't know if ever this dream of mine will come true, I wish it does, don't know if it will do. Nowadays I easily get tired.
I mean can you imagine, a person doing nothing, just sitting and eating and that makes them tired. That person is me. Matthew says it's the medicines and the two healthy girls I am carrying inside me, I blame him. He treats me like an elder woman, incapable of doing anything.

How is everyone in Washington? How is my family back home, any idea? I miss my parents a lot, Hardin. It's been 9 months I haven't seen them or at least talk to them. I know you will ask me why them? Well, because my parents have this emotional hold on me that makes it difficult for me to say 'No' to them. I know the moment, I will see them or they will talk to me, they will ask me to come back home, which is something I can not do, at least not now, maybe someday I will come back, don't know when that day will come.

I wonder if you will still wait for me? Or will you have moved on with someone else? I mean if you do, I will not blame you. There is nothing more than you finding love again that I would want for you. So, just know, if you move on, you will have my blessings.

Well..now I am tired. I cannot sit like this any longer, I will see you tomorrow in my next entry.

I..love...

"Uhhh..."

I feel shooting pain down my cervix. Before I can complete my entry, I find myself trying to walk to my bed, taking the support of the nearby bedhead and dresser. I somehow manage to reach the edge of my bed, grabbing the bedhead tightly, I bent down to hold my cell phone.

Immediately I call Matthew whose number is saved on my speed dial.

"Hey, Tess. Guess what? I found the Chocolate brand you were craving so hard last week. I am getting you enough supply of that."

Matthew chuckles over the line, thinking he sounds funny.

"Great Matthew, I am glad you accomplished the biggest goal of your life. Now, get your ass back to our apartment. I am having my babies, my.."