Foolish Games

77. Sometimes a cough is just a cough

Misha couldn't relax, he couldn't stop worrying, Chris had to be up to something, right? It just didn't make sense that the man would suddenly change. No one changed so fast, right? In the end, Misha had called Pauliina, unsure who else he could talk to about the whole thing, unsure if he was ridiculous or right for worrying.

It was Friday noon and Misha waited in the waiting room, he had left work earlier using the hours he had left from working overtime. He looked around and finally took a magazine to flip through the pages nervously.

Finally, Pauliina opened the door and smiled at him.

"Welcome Misha, please come in!" Misha tried to smile back at her, but he dropped the magazine before getting up. He looked tired and he knew it.

"Thanks for seeing me," he said almost weakly when stepping into the office.

"No problem, A cup of coffee for starters?"

"Yes, thanks," Misha smiled, trying his best to not look as exhausted as he felt. He took a seat down and Pauliina poured a cup of coffee to him and herself a glass of water. After handing the cup to Misha, she sat down.

"So what is troubling you?"

Misha tasted the coffee and sighed. "It's that man again," he started and shrugged. "Perhaps I'm worrying myself for nothing but I have the feeling that... " Again he took a pause trying to sort out his rather confusing thoughts. "To put it short, Chris suddenly gave those intimate pictures back to Joni. Well, he gave the information to access an internet file. I checked it for Joni and it was right. So now it is deleted, Joni is happy and I suppose I should be too and I am, but... This all seems so, sudden."

"I can see why you are worried, Misha. But I am no detective or policeman and I have no access to Chris in jail to talk to him. So how can I help you, is there something else?"

"I don't know how to deal with this. Joni has been in such a good mood since it happened. He acts like this fixed everything and doesn't want to talk about it further. I love that he's in a good mood, I do, but it also makes this more difficult. I fear he now denies everything. I..." Misha sighed again with frustration, he felt so tired that it felt difficult to explain himself. "I don't think that man would just let this all go, just like that, not when just weeks ago he said the opposite. I can't talk to Joni, not to upset him and at the same time... I just... I can't sleep. I think about the future and I worry."

Paulina smiled. "I am not allowed to talk about Joni and the therapy I am doing with him but let me tell you that we're on a good way. But there is something much more interesting – you talked about Chris and Joni and the pictures but the most important part came at the end. You cannot sleep and you worry about the future. When did this start?"

Misha rubbed his eyes, took another sip of his coffee, and started to think. "I think I've been worrying ever since I found Joni in that cabin like that. Now it's just increased, since Joni and I... well now that we are so close. I have these nightmares..."

Pauliina nodded. "Tell me more about those nightmares. What do you dream of?"

Misha was quiet again at first, swirling his teaspoon in the coffee mug and frowning to himself as he studied the movement. It wasn't an easy subject, it was something so intimate, but out of all people, it felt easier to tell Pauliina than those he knew well. "It starts out differently but usually leads to the same thing. Joni is there with me and it's relaxing and fine at first, then he walks away to get something or I am going to him, but... something is wrong. He calls me for help and I can't reach him. I see that man attacking him and I can't get to them, I can't even scream no matter how I try. I always wake up just before, well... before the worst happens."