Foolish Games

56. Not knowing how to fix things

Kisses, soft hands ran smoothly over his naked skin, making him feel warm and aroused. Joni brought his hand to touch the soft blond hair and moaned as the man kissed his neck. Rolling over the sheets, their bodies tangled together close to becoming one. Suddenly the lights flickered, and the room darkened, the gentle touch turned violent, the body on top of his suddenly so heavy that it seemed to suffocate him, the breathing was harsh; the kisses grew demanding and Joni struggled against the other, feeling the intense need to get away.

 Panic swept through him. It was not Misha, the long dark hair was loose and falling over the man's shoulders, the blue eyes glowed and the face twisted forming a nasty grin. Joni wanted to scream, but no voice came out and his body refused to move, heavy and uncontrollable.

Chris held him down effortlessly and laughed. The laughter echoed in the room and Joni could not form a sound to call for help. His lips moved but nothing came out. "Whore, such a nasty cheating whore... you are dead now!" Joni saw the glimmering of a sharp weapon above him and it was coming down towards his chest at an alarming speed. Chris was laughing madly. This time Joni did scream.

Crying out in despair, the young man sat up quickly, his hands reached to touch his bare chest to check for possible injuries.

"Joni... Joni, calm down," a voice tried to soothe him and at first he tried to shake off the reassuring hands, his mind still confused between reality and the nightmare. "You're okay. It was just another nightmare. I'm here and you're safe," Misha pulled him close and Joni hid his face against the man's chest, trembling in his hold.

 Slowly, the blond caressed his hair, waiting for him to calm down. "Just a dream," Misha repeated quietly, rocking him back and forth. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, and for a while Joni was silent.

"No, not really," Joni finally replied. "It was just a bad dream like you said," he added and tried to calm down while at the same time, he couldn't help but wonder if Chris could really kill him if given the chance. They couldn't lock him up forever. One day Chris would be free, and what if the man could never learn to forgive and forget? Joni felt scared, but he wasn't ready to voice his fear out loud.

"Let's get back to sleep," Misha said, and they lay back down, side by side. Joni's head rested on Misha's chest and the blond slowly stroked his arm. Neither of them spoke. Each of their minds wrapped around the issues that worried them. Joni's around Chris and his possible release, and Misha's around the guilt he felt about sleeping with Joni when it was obvious that the younger man hadn't been fully ready to take such a step. Sure, Joni had seemed eager and willing, but there were so many other things they could have done instead of taking it to anal sex so early.

Misha wasn't sure how this relationship could work like this; perhaps he just wasn't good enough for Joni after all. The thought made him feel even worse. He didn't know how to forgive himself for what he had done.

For the rest of the night, Misha barely caught any sleep. There were too many thoughts battling inside his mind. Joni would continue having nightmares. He needed help and Misha really didn't have the faith anymore that he alone could provide him with this kind of help. He felt so frustrated and angry at himself. He should have known better! 

If he couldn't control his lust for the brat, then maybe he shouldn't be so close to him. Joni had to be confused; he wasn't ready for a relationship and this... Sleeping together in the same bed couldn't be a wise thing to do anymore.

Misha had thought to be level-headed, someone who had control in his hands, but last night had proven that thought wrong, and now... This was just too soon. They should just be friends. Surely that was what Joni needed more. He didn't need to feel the pressure to be intimate, and Misha feared that it was the atmosphere he had created.