Only For You //

59."Backstory"

Cradling her face in his hands, Sidharth wiped her tears. She was crying, sobbing continuously..a sensitive topic of her life she had chosen to put raw in front of him. Shehnaaz was finally ready to bare her some of the truths before him, before her love. He did deserve knowing all that about her.

Sidharth walked her with him, taking a hold of her hand. He took her in his room and made her sit on his bed. She did not object.
Filling a glass of water he made her drink, it did calm her a little.

Grabbing a seat across her he gave her a faint smile to which she blinked her eyes.
"If you don't want to tell ...it's ok..I wouldn't.."

"I want to tell you Sidharth, I want to." She inhaled a mouthful of air before starting.
"I miss him and his love, my father's. He used to pamper me so much. I don't remember this fully but I just have some blurred memories of that good time. But then-- it all just vanished. Out of nowhere, everything changed. His love for me changed." She bit her inner cheek in order to stop herself from crying again.
"I never saw him loving me the same way that he used to. 12 saal ki thi tabse unka chehra tak nahi dekha maine. For years I hid myself from him." For the first time since they entered in the room, she looked into his eyes.

"Hua kya tha? What was the reason? Why he changed?" Getting himself fully onto the bed, Sidharth shifted closer to her, trying to give her some warmth and comfort.

"Jaha wo kaam karte the waha unhe losses hone lage the. Saari property chali gayi thi hamari..sab bech diya unhone....bas ek makan bacha tha, where we used to live. Whenever he used to come home, he would be angry..so he--" she paused reminiscing those memories. All the bigger memories once again flowing before her eyes, rendering her speechless. " so he started beating me..bahut maarte the, he used to curse..ye ek din hua aur phir routine ban gaya..roz roz yahi hota tha.."

Am instant and intense wave of rage flowed through Sidharth's veins listening to her. How dare someone raised hand on her, even if it was her father. And not just once...for uncountable times.
"And your mother? Didn't she stopped all this crap?" It came out all the way more sharper than he intended to.

"No"

"Wh-what?" He shaked his head in disbelief. He never thought parents could be like this also. His were so different. So loving.

"I always had thought why my mother does not love me. I never got any warmth from her side. Papa hi the Jo kuch the. Wo toh mujhse baat tak nahi karti thi. Shehbaaz, mera bhai...usko pyaar karti thi woh. I used to get jealous from him..kyunki meko kabhi wo pyaar ni mila. But he was so opposite of me. Mai usko hamesha dur bhagati rehti thi khudse lekin phir bhi wo sirf mere paas hi aata tha...wo akela tha jo mujhse baate karta tha...meko hasata tha..apne hisse ka khana chupakar mere liye laata tha aur mujhe khilaata tha...
I was very small..samajh hi nhi aata tha mere saath kyu ho raha hai ye sab. Mummy ke peeche lagi rehti thi...kyunki atleast wo pyaar nhi karti thi par maarti bhi to nahi thi, ghar se nikaalne ki dhamkiya to nahi deti thi papa ki tarah... par wo to sirf shehbaaz ko aur papa ko hi pyaar karti thi...unke liye to jaise mai exist hi nahi karti thi." She smiled bitterly. Yes parents like hers do exist.
"Par phir bhi my hate for my father was far more than for hers."

Taking her both legs up, she sat folding them on the bed.
"When I turned 12, mummy ne meko boarding school bhej diya.
Papa se bahut ladai hui unki..papa ne thappad bhi maara unko par phir bhi wo zidd pe adi rahi....bahut royi mai..mujhe laga mujhe ghar se nikaal rahe hai...tab shayad uss aurat se nafrat Hui thi mujhe..." Rubbing her hands on her thighs she continued.

"Dono me se koi bhi kabhi milne nahi aaya meko waha..shakale tak bhul chuki thi unki..but they never cared. 12th paas ki to hostel se nikal gayi...a teacher had helped me to get out of there..he also gave me some money and arranged my ride back to the place where I used to live. Par unhe to pata hi nahi tha mera ghar hi nahi hai..."

"Did you go back..to your uh- home?" Sidharth asked sceptically.
He did not wanted to know if all those things were repeated with her. He felt his throat full of emotions even thinking of that.

"Hmm..gayi thi." She sighed leaning onto the headboard of the bed.

"And? Kya hua waha? Don't tell me you again went to live in that hell." He was getting so furious about the people he hadn't met even once in his life. His outburst was on the edge.

"Naa...bas dekhne gayi thi my so called parents zinda bhi hai ya nahi although I couldn't care less. Shehbaaz was one who mattered to me."

"Then what happened when you went there?"

"It was all so silent..jaise waha koi rehta hi na ho..bahut saalo se.
My mother had opened the door for me..she didn't recognised me or maybe she took a while to apprehend I was not a part of her imagination."
" That day I saw something in her eyes..maybe an ounce of love or care or something different but for me.
Not for my father or my brother, whatever it was, it was for me." This time the smile that crept onto her face was genuine.

"After a while, she hugged me, tightly and started crying holding onto me...like she had bottled up all those emotions that she was showering all in that moment.
I cried too...but I had not forgot what all she had done to me."
Shehnaaz tensed and gulped hard before saying something next.
"So I did what I felt right at that moment ... I left her, from my hold and my life, both."

Sidharth widened his eyes as it was a very fast but a very bold move. She must have been so strong to do something like that.
Leaving her parents, which never loved her and her home. And her brother. Brother? What about her brother?
"And what about Shehbaaz? Where was he? And your that father?"
His instant distate was not hidden in his tone for her father.

"Shehbaaz was too in some boarding school. Mummy ne bataya wo unke saath rehna nahi chahta tha mere jaane ke baad to usne ghar chod diya...jo unhone mere saath kiya wo Shehbaaz ne unke saath kiya..same to same" A feeling of proud flashed in her eyes. She was not happy seeing her parents suffering but she was proud of her brother who stood by her, against his parents, who loved him.

"What did he do? Before you tell, I need to say this..he is one perfect brother. I may not know him but I am having such a good feeling about him." Sidharth's lip also curved upward a little, one might not be able to notice that even.

"He is..the perfect brother. But maybe I am not the perfect sister for him." She looked down at her fingers biting her lower lip.

"There is no need to feel like that. You were a child then. A mere kid of 5-6 years. And your distate for him was more for your parents, they were responsible for you not liking him." How easily he could soothe someone. His words were always so raw but honest. This is one of the things she loves most about him.
" But you also know, then also, somewhere deep down, you were always loving him, for being him."

"I guess yes. I couldn't hate him. He is not someone who can be hated ...just like you." She whispered the last part, to herself, but he heard nevertheless but didn't reacted, maybe not the time.

"She told me..my mother..that she used to go to visit him sometimes but he always used to deny saying he don't want to see her. Wo unke saamne hi nahi aata tha..aisa bahut baar hua phir mumma ne waha dheere dheere jana hi band kar diya...when she was telling me this..I saw so much of pain in her...she really loved her son.." Her mother could not love her, yes , but her son mattered to her. The reason? Shehnaaz never knew. Why did she only got no love from her, nothing from her side.

"She did..yes. What about your...father?" Sidharth did not wanted her to reminscise that man who used to hit her...a small kid she was. And he? A total ASSHOLE.

"He left her."

How was the chapter guys..do tell me.

What do you guys think about Shehnaaz parents? What opinions do you have for them?

Do tell me in the comments.
What do you think about the story?

Keep showering your love.