I Was Younger Then

Do Not Enter Without the Express Permission of Regulus

The last week of the summer holidays was full of commotion and many members of the Order of the Phoenix coming and going. Mrs. Weasley made some of the best meals during their last days at Grimmuald Place, which Penny, annoyingly, found herself unable to ever feel satiated from.

As the days progressed and the night of the Midsommer festival became an afterthought, Penny could not help but notice small, yet strange changes in herself. Snape had successfully come up with a regimen to help her manage the pain, which required him to administer it to her every three days or so. He made sure to brew his version of ditanny en masse and forced Penny to always carry a vial of it around her neck, for worst case scenarios. Penny did not complain, wanting very much to never endure the pain of that wound opening ever again.

Unfortunately, the obvious symptoms were not what were bothering her. Being unable to feel content after a meal became a common occurrence. For several days Penny ate herself sick until she realized she simply could not feel satisfied by the act of eating, something that was annoying, but she did not think much of, until it started to seep its way into other aspects of her life.

Soon, Penny found little to no pleasure in the majority of things she loved and even had to resort to asking Hermione to force her to finish the piles of homework she still had not started. Her anger at the situation boiled over when she could not accomplish anything and was agonizing about her unproductivity at the same time. It wasn't until she burst, spewing forth her frustrations on Snape that she received her wake up call, far from offering her any sort of comfort, he chastised her for being 'mundane enough to believe getting some self-satisfaction from accomplishing something was the only reason good enough to warrant doing it.'

While she was annoyed at the time, she could not help but admit later that he had an annoyingly good point, but at the same time she had not missed the worried expression that flitted across his face when Penny confessed the finer details of the experience. While she was in no way going to complain, she was starting to worry that breaking the curse might prove to be an impossible task without the help from Carrow, whom they could hardly ask for the counter-curse.

Her worries were only exacerbated by the headaches that she started having, which made her prone to snappish behavior and feeling rather sour about things. As a result, Sirius and Penny were in a competition for who the grumpiest, sulkiest person in the house was. Currently, Sirius was winning simply because Penny was able to find some relief every few days when Snape showed up. Sirius on the other hand, had been wholly committed to being irritable since Harry learned he would not in fact be expelled, Penny suspecting Sirius had secretly hoped to have Harry living with him. After staying in the dank, dark house for a couple of weeks, Penny certainly understood why Sirius was in such a bad mood. The atmosphere in the house was awful and Penny often found herself longing for Snape's house, which, even though it was just as dark, had an air of warmth and welcome that Penny missed. When she'd sit alone in the lounge room staring at the empty fireplace, she often thought of the nights she spent side-by-side with Snape, reading and arguing well into the late hours of the night.

She had to chuckle every time she caught herself admitting that living with Snape had been nice, something everyone else refused to believe. Snape was a man of his rituals, and it was true he did not much care for small talk, but he was always present. He made a point of inhabiting the rooms Penny occupied, he also ate his meals with her and forced her on evening walks (which Penny always thought he was un-necessarily aggressive about, seeing as Penny was always excited for them.) Regardless, in many ways, Snape had been more available to Penny than her own godfather, who tried very hard to avoid Penny of late..

It was awful timing, really, what with her awkward exchange with Lupin, guilt about it, and desire to hear Sirius's perspective on the relationship. Penny just wanted someone to admit her selfish feelings to without facing the sad expression she could imagine on Lupin's face. But as it stood, Sirius had no desire to speak to anyone, and eventold her to go away when she did go in search of him. As a result, Penny was very, inelegantly, avoiding Lupin, because she was afraid he would broach the subject. Lupin, being the only emotionally competent person in the house, obviously noticed and after several evasions by Penny, opted to let her have her distance, though he never failed to give her a sad smile when their eyes did lock.