I Was Younger Then

Moments with Lupin: The Boggart

Reminder: Moments chapters look at the past and previous years that are not covered in the rest of the story.

"Penny?" said a voice from behind Penny. She turned her head to meet the kind eyes of Professor Lupin, who strode the distance to where Penny sat perched on a windowsill.

"I know it's getting late Professor, I was just finishing up a chapter and lost track of time," said Penny, nervously glancing into the dark grounds outside the window.

"I wasn't worried about that. Anyways I thought it was Harry who likes to roam after hours. But why are you reading here and not in the library?" he asked with a warm smile.

"Normally, no one finds me here," she replied sheepishly.

"Ahh, sorry about that. I did not take you for an introvert having seen you in class."

"Oh, no I didn't mean it like that! I get easily distracted, so I have to be pretty diligent when I commit myself to something."

Lupin's eyes scanned the book she was holding, "May I?" he asked.

She nodded and handed it to him. He turned the book over and read the title " Organic Matter in Elixirs. What led you to this?" said Lupin, looking impressed as he scanned the table of contents.

"Professor Snape lent it to me. I was in his office with some questions about the chemical reactions involved in elixirs and why so many do not allow for substitutes of their ingredients. He said if I read this and wrote him an essay on what I thought the answer was, he'd give me a lesson on it," said Penny, eyes gleaming with excitement at the prospect.

"Professor Snape said that?" Lupin asked, trying to hide his skepticism.

"Yeah? I'm in his office all the time, he might as well be useful and do what he's paid to do," Penny replied, shaking her head at the thought of the man and his tendency to make getting any answers from him a mission and a half.

Lupin laughed out loud, startling Penny from her thoughts.

"Of course he cannot say no to you . It's an impressive feat, having the respect of Professor Snape, but you certainly have earned it. Do you often read materials this advanced?" he said, setting the book down and absently taking a seat beside her.

"He might try to act like he hates it, but the man honestly loves to argue, it's his one weakness. As long as I come in with an argument, he can't resist," said Penny self-assuredly, crossing her legs to face Lupin. "But yeah, I routinely ask my professors for books outside of the syllabus materials. Professor McGonagall just loaned me The Alchemic History of Transfiguration," Penny continued eagerly, pulling her book from her bag.

Lupin looked from her to the book, shaking his head in awe.

"You are truly an astounding student, Penny, full of so much drive and talent."

"Talent?" Penny scoffed. " Sure, I'll never turn my nose up at a book, but I wouldn't call that talent. After-all, I was the only student in your class who couldn't repel the boggart. . ." Penny trailed off, looking out the window at the glowing lights coming from Hagrid's hut.

She hadn't admitted to anyone how unsettling her experience with the boggart was, though most of the school erupted into murmurs about it. When Lupin asked them to think of what frightened them most and prepare to turn that thought into something humorous, Penny thought Lord Voldemort would be what appeared before her. She'd worried about her classmates freaking out, and how she'd make someone that stole her parents from her funny. But when it was her turn, the form that appeared before her was not Voldemort, it was herself. Penny had just stood there, staring into her own green eyes that were eerily devoid of the life that normally lingered behind eyes. Penny didn't understand what it meant. The image unsettled her and perturbed her. She'd simply stood shell shocked until Lupin called forward the next person and mercifully let her move to the back of the classroom without a fuss.

It'd been days since the experience, and Penny had stood outside of Lupin's classroom several times, intending to ask him what it meant, but always lost the courage.

"I'd hoped you hadn't looked at it that way, but that's a pretty natural conclusion, albeit entirely incorrect. In fact, the appearance of your boggart was the moment I realized exactly what a unique individual you are," he said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Are you sure we are thinking of the same experience?" said Penny, eyebrow raised cynically.

Lupin burst out laughing, pulling his arm back to clutch a stitch, his cheeks turning slightly pink. Penny stared at him, uncertain if she should be offended, or laugh too.

"I'm sorry, you just looked so much like him--" Lupin gasped, stopping abruptly as though returning to reality.

"You mean James? Did you know my dad? Normally, people say I look like Lily. Well, except for Snape, he says I take after my father when he is annoyed with me. But did you really know him?" asked Penny trying not to sound as desperate as she felt.

"I did. . .We were at school together," Lupin said hesitantly, his countenance faltering slightly.

"Do you mean it, do I actually remind you of him? I just can't imagine my dad failing at something as simple as getting rid of a boggart."

"Your father was a brilliant wizard, as are you, though he was much less charming than you to have in class. But your boggart proves you are neither him, nor Lily for that matter. For a boggart to turn into oneself suggests an extraordinary amount of self-awareness. Humans are self-absorbed creatures by nature, defining the world in terms of what others do. Very rarely do we consider we are the villain of someone else's story."

"You are being too kind, Professor, some might say your argument is biased. Perhaps it is self-awareness, as you say, or maybe deep down I'm self conscious, making me incredibly shallow, because I'm afraid of people seeing a part of me that hasn't been made presentable," Penny countered, her eyes fixed fiercely on him, searching for any wavering of his conviction.

"I think you just proved my point, but I will concede to my bias. I have found you to be a fascinating young witch and want very much for you to see your enormous potential the way I do," he said, scratching the back of his head, his face full of amusement.

"Are you being. . .sincere?" said Penny, leaning closer to him to scrutinize his face.

"I'd hope so. Otherwise I'm lying as much to myself as you."

"Sorry, it's just--such a peculiar experience. I'm so used to the deflections and backhanded compliments of Professor Snape, I almost forgot normal people don't mind speaking plainly," Penny admitted with a scowl.

"I imagine you are a peculiar creature to Professor Snape, from what I've heard he's never liked any of his students before. But Penny, please believe me, I am being quite sincere. I am very lucky to get to teach a student like you."

"Professor. . .I--well, If it is possible, I don't know what to say, but your thoughts mean a lot to me. To be honest this whole boggart thing has been bothering me. I was worried, but you've convinced me, maybe, I can live up to his sacrifice," said Penny, looking nervously down at her shoes.

"You don't need to live up to anything, Penny. Just never waste a chance to laugh, your dad never did." Lupin said warmly, his eyes glittering in the candle light. "Come now, we better get you back to the Gryffindor common room before Mr. Filch comes around to scold us."

Penny smiled and packed up her things. The weight in her chest was gone, to be replaced with the fondness she felt for Lupin.

"Do you mind if I visit you after class sometime?" Penny asked, hitching her bag over her shoulder.

"I would like that very much," he said, and they set off down the quiet corridor, Penny reeling with a million questions to ask. Lupin's lips upturned in amusement as he glanced down at the exuberant young witch obviously struggling with the effort to contain herself.