Guardian | BTS

Chapter 54- I love you

Fifty four

Another week has flown by and I'm feeling good to be honest. Things seem to be back to normal but there's still that lingering thought of a danger hiding in the back of my mind. Namjoon has been working hard making moves behind the scenes to make the business more legit but still I have a fear of Aisha somehow coming back and doing something to hurt everyone.

Hoseok took his family back home, Yoongi and Sona went with to make sure everything is going smoothly back home with the renovations as well as checking on the other crews and where there mindsets are.

Zara has taken a liking to the house and thankfully her pregnancy is going perfectly fine. She even started to think about ideas of how she wants to decorate the nursery back home, even though we don't know when we will be able to go back. Makes me sad to think that she isn't able to enjoy her pregnancy like any normal person, she doesn't get to create those memories with Namjoon and Seojun.

But I'm happy to see that her and the baby are healthy and she looks less stressed these days. I think it has to do with the fact that Namjoon has been working so hard to make sure everything goes smoothly back home. Even Seojun seems happy, he has been having nightmares lately though and I know it upsets Namjoon the most but we're managing.

Jimin seems to have a little more pep in his step these days and I can't help but think that it has to do with our exchange out in the garden that one night. Though Jungkook seems to be taking a break from me...he's been creating distance the past week and I can't quite figure out why.

We were fine just a week ago so I don't know what quite changed, maybe he wasn't ready for me and Jimin to connect on such a level but I can't help how I feel and who I love. What makes things hard is that I have love for all these boys it may not be the same love but I do have love for all of them and know that they all need that love and attention that they crave.

I know in my heart that it's not fair that I keep 'toying' with everyone's emotions, or at least that's how it seems but that's not my intentions. But now that everything is kind of settling down maybe I need to start thinking about who I love truly and who I just have love for.

There is a difference...I know that and in my heart I think I know the correct answer but it's hard for me to come to terms with hurting any of the boys because I have so much love for all of them.

Wouldn't it be great if we could just all live happily ever after like they do in the stories but sadly I know that this isn't a fairytale our life is hard...harder than most people. But still the thought has crossed my mind over and over and maybe just maybe there is that glimmer of hope that this all could work out.

I mean look at Zara and Namjoon they're happily married and have no problem with sharing or seeking attention from others. They know that they love each other deep down no matter what and no one or nothing will come between them. I want that love and I do feel that love with one...actually two but they just don't see eye to eye about the situation.

"Well well well if it isn't my two favorite boys"

I smile as I approach Taehyung and Jungkook, they're both sitting by the fireplace. It's snowing out tonight and the place seemed to have issues with staying warm. They both smile over at me I can see Jungkook's hand twitch as I get closer but it's Taehyung who extends his arm out for me. I take his hand and kiss it before sitting down between them on the floor, they both look at me a bit suspicious and I nervously laugh. We rarely get alone time like this so maybe this was my chance to bring up the topic.