Let's Go Back

You Don't Deserve It

After Bucky stormed out of the house, he didn't know where to go right away. He couldn't be in the house but he didn't want to leave either. He saw a small pier out by the lake and sat at the end of it with his legs dangling off the end. It was as good a place as any to just sit and think.

The problem is, his thoughts recently just go in circles. He wants to go back to Lizzie but he doesn't know if he deserves her anymore. She remarried and maybe she would have been happier if he had never left but could she love this version of him? He's done so much bad that he doesn't believe he deserves happiness anymore.

As he's sitting, he hears the creek of footsteps on the wood planks behind him.

"Go away, Steve," Bucky growls.

He doesn't want to have this discussion yet again with Steve. Steve has been bothering him constantly to come back with him.

"It's not Steve,"

Bucky whips around and gets the shock of his life when he sees Tony Stark standing behind him. He stands up and gets in a defensive position on instinct. Tony doesn't look angry, just tired. If he was coming to face down Bucky, he would have his suit on and his hands would not be in his pockets.

"I'm not here to fight. I'm here to talk," Tony says.

Bucky doesn't say anything but gives a single sharp nod.

"Did you know this is where you and Elizabeth got married in your sons' timeline?" Tony asks.

Bucky's head snapped up at Tony's question. Steven had showed him a vision of his wedding but the lake house looked so different than it had before. Tony must have redid it when he moved here.

"I didn't," Bucky says.

"When you went back to her time, you probably couldn't get married for real since you were supposed to be dead so dad let you marry here," Tony says.

"Why are you telling me this?" Bucky asks.

"I don't know," Tony says honestly.

They stand in silence for awhile, not sure how to continue. There's been so much bad blood between them that Bucky is surprised at the civility of the interaction thus far.

"I wanted to thank you," Bucky says.

Tony raises an eyebrow in question.

"These last five years you took care of my son when I couldn't. I know you paid for his college and invited him into your home. I'll never be able to repay you for all of that. I guess I'm grateful that you didn't let your hatred for me spill over to my kid," Bucky says.

"I don't hate you, at least not anymore. When you did what you did to my parents, you had no choice in the matter. I read your hydra files and I know that The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes are very different people," Tony says.

Bucky can't believe what he's hearing. He's been told by Steve over and over that what he did wasn't his fault but hearing it from Tony makes him believe that it might be true. The fact that someone who has every right to hate him is absolving him of his sins means everything to him. He can feel the weight of heavy emotion in his chest.

"Thank you," Bucky gives out a choked whisper.

Tony gives a nod in acknowledgment but doesn't say anymore on the topic.

"As for taking care of JJ, it was my privilege to do. He's an amazing kid, both your kids are," Tony says.

"They are incredible, they're so much like my Ellie," Bucky says.

Tony is thrown by the softness in Bucky's voice and expression. He hasn't really seen much emotion in the Soldier's face but looking at him now, he has never seemed more human.

"Everyone tells me that JJ was much like you when you were young," Tony notes.

That is true. JJ was so much like who he was growing up. He was sarcastic and charming and he looked like his damn clone.

"He is. I had Ellie to keep me in line and I know it will take quite the woman to do the same with my boy," Bucky says with a small grin.

"Elizabeth sounds like an amazing woman, no wonder your kids turned out so great," Tony says.

Bucky's expression turns slightly sad. He knows she would be a great mom, he always did, he just wishes he was there to see it. He once again wishes that his stupid draft number was never called. He was so eager to fight back then but looking back now, he knows that if he had the choice to stay with Ellie or fight in the war, he would have never left her side. Maybe that was selfish of him but it's still his deepest darkest wish.

"Yeah, she was... everything. I've been on this earth a long time and I've never found her equal," Bucky says.

"If she's so incredible, then why are you not going back with Steve?" Tony asks.

Bucky looks up at him in pure shock. How did he know?

"JJ told me that in his timeline you and Steve go back to return the stones and stay in the 40s. Steve has already signed on to return the stones, quite eagerly I might add, but not you," Tony says.

Bucky is still so shocked that it takes him a moment to respond.

"I don't deserve it. It's everything I've ever dreamed about and so much more but why should I get a happy ending when I ruined so many lives? For crying out loud, I even ruined your life! You can't tell me I deserve anything but an eternity of misery," Bucky says.

"You don't deserve it," Tony says.

Despite daring Tony to say it, Bucky can't help but be a little hurt at Tony's quick agreement.

"You don't deserve Elizabeth just like I don't deserve Pepper. However, we both have to thank every God there is, was or ever will be that they overlook that. It's our lot in life to succumb to powerful women," Tony says casually.

Bucky can't help but give out a snort of laughter and Tony gives him a small smile in return.

"You want to make it up to me? You want to atone? Go back with Steve and bring those wonderful kids into the world. It would be a travesty if Steven Anthony Barnes and James Buchanan Barnes the second never existed. Sarah and your kids are the reason that my wife isn't a widow and my daughter didn't lose her father. The best thing you will ever do is going back to your girl," Tony says.

In that moment, Tony's words convince him more than even Elizabeth's did. He needed this closure and acceptance that he can be more than a mindless killing machine.

"Thank you, Tony," Bucky says sincerely.

He can see the struggle in Tony's eyes right before he reaches out and places a hand on Bucky's shoulder. He gives it a squeeze and a small pat before quickly dropping his arm back to his side.

"Thank me by going back, yeah?" Tony says.

Tony gives Bucky a single nod before quickly turning on his heels and walking back up the dock.

For the first time in a long time, he feels at peace. Maybe finally he can deserve some peace.

He guesses he's going back to the 40s.

He guesses he's going back to his girl.