Splicing of Changes

Chapter 69

Lunch is a very stressful meal.

Lunch is scary. Never did I think I would say that. I mean lunch is never associated with being scary or stressful. But for me it is. Well just this one maybe. The graduation special lunch. It not that lunch itself is scary or stressful, it's sort of what lays in store later on. Not the instant later on but like proverbial. College and stuff. Even though I know I am not going to college, but Lee is. So, what will happen to us then. Will we be able to survive long distance? I mean whichever college Lee goes to it won't be here so distance will come in between us. Now whether that will be 1 hour or few hours that is a totally different thing. Therefore, lunch is scary and stressful as it has expectations.

Okay maybe the expectations' part is not just lunch but the company. The aura, the vibe at this table along with my stupid brain which likes to apparently stress over things. I just don't understand how my brain works sometimes. I mean why did I imagine that this setting will not be stressful? With Tori, Liz, the kids, Lee's dad and Topher and the Millers. I mean it was not like I thought anything different when I agreed to this lunch. But did I really think it would be all smooth sailing and peachy? Technically I would like to point out there is nothing that is happening for me to be stressed about. Yet here I am sitting and sweating thinking about God knows what and picking my food. Whereas everyone is actually conversing and having such a great time. They are smiling over some random things; the kids are enjoying the food. Me, on the other hand is just looking at everyone, and thinking about future and other shit and stressing out. But why though? Why can't I just enjoy the meal like everyone else for once without thinking much and just being in the moment? Argh!

I just realized that Liz never goes to meet her parents or talk about them. The kids don't either. I know for a fact that Tori and Liz lived with them after Tori got kicked out, but what happened afterwards? Or is just that I am making it to be some mystery when it is just something very simple? Well, if it is then why do the kids not mention their grandparents or going to their house or anything regarding that. Strange, isn't it?

'You know what's stranger even Kris?' Maize asks popping up just beside me. I ask her what by moving my head without uttering the word. 'You are. Specifically, you thinking and pondering on that while you are out on your graduation lunch. Instead of enjoying it you are stressing over things which you can stress over even tomorrow, So, for now, just leave it be, leave everything be and enjoy the moment. It might be a while since you get to feel this again. And by that, I mean everyone at the same table just enjoying the company and food, except you.' Maize rolls her eyes after finishing. I just smile at her. She is right, I should be enjoying this moment, soak it all up. Instead of stressing about things and wondering about some mystery, which might not even be a mystery.

I turn to look at everyone and find that Topher is eyeing me, not that uncommon but this look of his is. Well, we will come back to that, my brain tells me. I just smirk at that before my eyes land on Joshua Miller and Lee's dad talking amicably. I think they found out that they have a bunch of things in common and are now very busy discussing said common things. If only I had any idea what any of those are, but from the way they are speaking it seems rather intriguing. Lastly, I see Tori, Liz and Madeline Miller talking. Rather Madeline Miller is smiling watching the couple and the kids. Then her eyes land on me and she nods at me with a sweet smile. I guess I was freaking out a little about them thinking I am replacing Maize, which I know is not possible. I also know they would never think that but still I thought that. I mean it is a little sad that they are here at my graduation lunch with my girlfriend's family, when Maize should have been here with us, with me. I know they love Lee and are happy for me, but I am sure they miss their daughter and even if they do not show it, they must be feeling a little weird. But this smile that Madeline Miller gave me spoke volumes. It helped me ease my doubts and thoughts, and I think she knew I would be thinking all these.