Splicing of Changes

Chapter 67

Transitions.

According to google the definition of transition is "the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another." I understand the definition, the meaning of it. But I do not think I have experienced it much. Then again, I think I am wrong about that. I mean the first time I guess I experienced a transition was when Tori left. But maybe that was more of an adjustment than a transition.

The next one would be when Maize and I got together. But since we giggled mostly during that period, I am not sure what to say about how much transition I experienced. I mean yeah it was of sorts. But it wasn't either at the same time. Maize and I spent time like before, talking, giggling, teasing each other and only after we got together kisses were included sometimes. But we used to give each other cheek kisses before as well. And as for discussing future, which weirdly we did that a lot. Well, even before we got together, we planned to live together just us friends, no one else. Well for Maize, she never mentioned a guy or getting married to a guy or anything of that sort. For me, I guess I was just thinking maybe we can have boyfriends, but they would never come in between our friendship. And after we got together, only thing changed in this talk was that Maize and I would have still lived together, only this time with us being married to each other. In total I do not think I experienced much of a change, a transition from being best friends to girlfriends.

The huge transition, for me I guess should be when Mr. and Mrs. Monroe died, in other words my parents and I came to live with Tori. It was a big transition. I know that. I felt the change. But weirdly, it helped me grow, be more myself, learn many things and well live not just as a robot walking around. Hence, I guess I never really related it to as much of a transition, more of me coming out of my shell. I don't think it makes much sense. But it did to me at times. And now...not so much. It's weird. It's so weird. Even though I know the type of transition I am thinking about now is not at all relatable to this type of transition. Because this change was and is so different from what I think what Lee and I are facing.

I mean Lee and I used to be best friends at least according to me. Granted I never really told her everything, yet I feel like I did tell her things I didn't tell anyone, even Diane, who was my girlfriend. But then we went through that awful period of time when Lee stopped talking to me. I think I know why she did what she did, but I cannot remember if we ever discussed about that. Weirdly I think it affected me more than I realized. Because even though Lee and I bounced back to being friends and best friends even after that, but I think I held onto the hurt. The hurt I felt, not when Lee was not talking to me or avoided me. I mean yeah that hurt pretty bad, but for me what was worse was when Lee ran away during the Christmas eve party. I guess when people run away even if not far, it triggers me. After all the incidents I have had with people running away from me.

You would be wondering why I am blabbering about transitions and my past with Lee. Well, it is because I am trying to find out why Lee and I...I am not sure like why there is a gap, I guess? Which is why I thought we never transitioned from best friends or friends to girlfriends. I guess in my part that is true, because I got jealous and upset when I learned Olivia is Lee's best friend and that Lee shares stuff with her. I mean of course she does. After all Lee cannot really tell me things about me. But for me I felt like I should be the one Lee is coming to talk to. That makes sense if we were just friends. But we are not now. Which is why I think we never transitioned or at least I haven't.

And finally, the incident at prom and at the after-prom party. All that left me baffled. Weirdly, and not so surprisingly, Lee and I returned to our hotel room that night after the 'chat' shall I say. Yeah, I am calling it 'our chat'. So, after that, in the room, Lee and I did not talk. We looked at each other, not sure if it was with love and adoration or just waiting to see what the other does. Anyway, after a while that got boring because let's face it neither one of us moved a muscle. So, we decided on watching T.V. We just shuffled through channels and tried watching anything, even if it was news. I guess it was to avoid any odd conversation, we might have had or odd and awkward interaction we could have had. Not that I would have made a pass, or Lee for that matter with the frightened looks she gave me, proved that. Yet, that was the outcome. I will not say I disliked it. In fact, I quite enjoyed that. It felt like something we would do. It felt very us to me hence, I was happy, content. I just hope Lee was too.