Splicing of Changes

Chapter 41

Time is not my friend. Today I start senior year of high school. I wake up and turn to my left and see her smile. Maize is here. Of course, she is. After all today is a big day. It is the start of our senior year.

"Stop smiling Maize."

'I'm not smiling Tina.'

"Well, your smile is valid after all we start senior year today. Finally, we are here."

'Tina, you start your senior year. I am dead, remember. I am not actually here.'

"Yeah, but you are Maize. And you'll always be my side."

'Tina, I know what I am about to say will sound harsh, but shouldn't I not be by your side always?'

"What are you talking about Maize. You are not leaving me. Not again."

'That's the thing Kristina. I am not really here. I am your imagination. You are talking to a ghost. You should live your life.'

"I am living Maize, but I cannot live without you."

'I am not telling you to. I am simply asking you to live. Actually live. Enjoy with your friends. You are living at Tori's house. I am asking you to live with her. Your sister. Let Tori in.'

"What do you mean Maize? I am living with Tori."

'No, you are not. You just live in her house. You push people away as soon as they get close. You took almost a year to tell Tori about our accident, about me, about us. So, no Kristina you are not living with your sister. You are barely alive. You function, do things you are supposed to do but not really.'

"Maize I had a girlfriend for fuck's sake."

'Yeah? And why did you guys break up?'

"Well, I had a boyfriend too. And you know why we broke up."

'Yeah. I never liked that guy anyway. And I know you didn't either. He was just something there for you to hold onto, nothing more nothing less. But now I want you to live your life. Let your heart feel for someone. Living hopefully.'

"Your heart you mean Maize?"

'No Kristina. It is yours now. It has always been and always will be. It used to beat for you, and it literally beats for you. So, all I am asking is for you to let yourself feel anything else other than anger and pain. Probably love, hopefully for another human being, one who is alive. And before you say anything Liz, Tori, Alex and James don't count. I know you love them. But they are your family. I am talking about loving someone romantically, fall in love.'

"They are my family huh?"

'And you are just now realizing this? Honestly Kristina you are hopeless.'

"Yeah, I am and that was one of the reasons why you fell in love with me. And I get what you are saying Maize. But it's not easy for me to let you go. I don't think I can."

'Yes, you can Tina. You just don't want to.'

"Of course, I don't. Who would want to let the love of their life go just like this?"

'If I was alive, it would have made sense. But I am not. I have not been Tina for three years now. I think it's time for you to let me go.'

"No Maize I can't. I won't."

'Then let Tori in.'

"That I can do. I think I should. Its..."

'About damn time!'

"Thanks Maize. Also, happy last first day of high school."

'I am not going to school Tina. You are.'