Splicing of Changes

Chapter 63

The vile, dreadful and most hated week and a half came to an end. Finally. We could all breathe again. Oxygen felt sweeter to inhale and the world suddenly turned green again. As if we were all cooped up in a square or rectangular box, stuck, locked from the outside, shut out from the real world. Oxygen felt was in limited capacity. As if that is even possible but it felt suffocating to say the least. And now that it is over, I can feel myself taking in huge gulps of air and refreshing my brain from the stale oxygen I was forced to breathe for the last week and a half. It was not something I have ever experienced.

If you are wondering what I referring to, I am simply referring to our exams. 

The same exams which literally holds our future in its hands. The exam whose results will determine who will graduate and who will not. Everything seemed like will be determined by this exam. Hence, the added pressure. It was weird. Because it was not that the exams were hard. Well maybe some time, and for people who did not study or revise, maybe. Not for me, particularly, yet every time I came out of the exam hall. I had but one single feeling. I fucked up the exam. Such a nice sentiment to have, isn't it? I was worried and started pulling my hair as soon as I started checking my answers and if one thing did not match in the 50 other things, I was a mess. I have no idea why I was behaving like this. But I was. My friends were not better either. They believed in comparing answers with each other than books, hence sometimes I felt I got more wrong answers than I actually did. Well not that the results are out, it is just my estimation from checking the books thoroughly. Just remember the fact, I did forget some answers after some time, hence, my judgement is not very trustworthy either.

I have had final exams before. In fact, I sat in one last year. Yet, I cannot remember panicking like this, behaving such wildly. Even my friends were calm and composed then. But this year, we are all frantic, turning on each other and shouting if one thing was not going according to some imaginary plan. Yet, none of us knew about this so-called plan, that we kept referring to for the past two and half weeks and kept getting angry. All of us were in bad moods, but Lee was particularly in one. It seemed to me, that she was just frustrated with anything and everything. Weirdly Jake and June were at each other's throats instead of helping the other. That was Danny and Jeff. They helped each other. One date and they became glued to each other. Me on the other hand. I was busy realizing stuffs I never knew about myself.

After our visit to the Millers, came the final exams and we started preparations for it way in advance so as not to fry our brain and actually revise. Well, that was the initial thought, but we forgot how many things have happened and we had zoned out in class from time to time. This new semester, it was different than last semester when we learned about our friend Silver. But you see when something is connected you got to remember and actually understand them to come to this next step. Problem was we somehow did it during the finals for last semester. How? Don't ask me because I cannot tell you now, seeing as we were struggling to grasp things from there. Not in every subject though, just math and statistics. Probably my blunder to keep them for this last semester. But I never thought I would be in so much deep trouble. Anyway, after somehow, we understood whatever happened in last semester, I realized that things happened to me after Spring Break this semester. Hence, I had zoned out. Thus, it was almost impossible for me to understand. I cannot tell you how I submitted my assignments and got good score. Either I knew something subconsciously or else...well I do not know what else. But this time my subconscious was not helping me.

So, after revising, relearning things and finally sitting in the exams and hoping I did okay. I am free. In the meantime, though my brain was busy. Especially at nights I would lay awake and think. It was rarely that I got any sleep. This was a problem for me, but somehow, I managed. Lee changed her behavior; I would say drastically but maybe not. She was with me, talking and we spent time revising. Yet, I felt there was a distance between us, and I had no idea how to decrease it. Plus, the fact that she got irritated easily didn't help. Not with Tori or Liz though, just me and studies. It's like we are the two factors ruining her life. It is just the opposite of what I felt while returning from Mr. and Mrs. Miller's house.