Splicing of Changes

Chapter 16

Four hours and thirty-six minutes.

Five hours and eighteen minutes.

Six hours and four minutes.

Six hours and fifty-five minutes.

It's almost seven hours since what I knew shattered. Since I shattered. Yet it feels early for a Sunday to wake up to. After I came back to the guest room biding Tori and Liz night. I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. Then I noticed it has just been an hour and I was still awake. It continued like this for the whole night. Me lying on the bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling or the wall. Then checking the time. Proceeded by groaning because at one point I thought time hated me and the clock was broken, it was not moving. It was somewhere after two and a half hours. I was frustrated. I got up and re read the letters. Because what else am I supposed to do. That took about an hour and few minutes as by the time I finished re reading the last letter the clock read 4 am. So, I laid down on the bed again and proceeded with my staring.

Now it's just past 7 in the morning. Usually if it was any other Sunday, I would be sound asleep for at least another two hours. But it's not any other Sunday. No. Unfortunately for me this is the Sunday after the extremely eventful Saturday, that was yesterday. I am not a religious person, we never went to church, but right now I am thinking of going. Just because then we would have something to do and get up, get ready for church. Not spend Sunday leisurely talking with each other. As much as I enjoy it with Tori, Liz, Alex and James. Today I would much rather do anything but that. Even though my brain is full of words and sentences and even few questions. I doubt my voice would come out, so my busy brain will have to remain busy, and my questions will remain unanswered till I find my voice again. I am sure that will take time. Seeing as what I believed for 12 years was a lie. My sister actually missed me, remembered me, contacted me even. And I had no idea and blamed her for never even caring about me and leaving me when in reality she didn't leave at all. She was forced to move. God, I have been an awful sister to Tori. Even if she doesn't know about it, does not mean I don't recall the instances.

I got up and washed my face and took a shower in order to cover up the red puffy eyes as well the whole face which screams that I got no sleep last night. And I painted so I was tired, yet sleep was the last thing on my mind. I ventured out into the living room, knowing full well it would be empty. And my calculations were accurate. It is empty. No one, no sound is even heard except the air conditioner. I walk up to the back of the living room where the backyard is, the porch is. I see sunlight dancing in through the curtain which is moving ever so slightly. I push the curtains aside and let the light in. Soon, the whole living room is flooded with sunlight and then the trees play with forming different shadows. It must be a little windy outside for the trees to move this much. So, I opened the door just a little to go out. But then I stopped. Instead of going out, I closed the door and sat in front of it, facing the back yard. Wondering about the beauty of nature.

I must have been watching the trees and sunlight play around for a while because the next thing I know I am tackled by a small pair of arms and then little blonde hair tickle my neck and eyes. James is up. I thought his room is upstairs and I had no idea he could climb down the stairs. More like I had no idea he was even allowed to. So, I spun around and came face to face with Tori. She looks just like me. Disheveled hair, red puffy eyes, pale face. Like a ghost of her former self. The light sky-blue eyes are not doing us any favor today. They are highlighting the redness just like the hair is highlighting the fact neither of us got any sleep last night. That much is expected, I guess. After all it did not just upend and shattered what I thought and believed over the last 12 years, it did the same to Tori as well. And it must have been much more hurtful on her end since she was the one who always took care of me before...