Splicing of Changes

Chapter 42

Time is a concept I would never understand. Why you ask? Because just two days ago it was moving at a speed that I felt like shouting for it to pause. But now, it's moving so slowly that I just feel like I am doing the same thing over and over again. As if I am stuck in a damn time loop. Maybe I am. I mean Silver can't be dead. I know, I knew her for just a year, and I didn't even know her full name. Still, I considered her my first friend in this town. I still remember the day I met her in the book shop. How her hair made me want to see who it was. Then I thought it was an old lady but when I noticed it was a girl my age, I was in awe. I remember Danny saying I was Silver's fan. I remember her reading my blank expression easily and I found it freaky. And now that person is gone. Just...this is not fair. It's just not.

When senior year started my concern was that this is my final year of high school. And that I needed to tell Tori about Maize's ghost, basically that I talk to her. As I promised Maize to let Tori in. And Liz too. Maybe. Never thought that this is how things will be after few weeks. That first day and even first week even though none of us knew what was going on with Silver, this was the last thing any of ever thought. Our assumptions were that she was on vacation and ending with they might have moved away. Never in a million years did any of us ever think that she could be dead. Although she died recently, and she was alive then. Only, in hospital, hooked up to machines. I just...it's difficult for me to process it. And now I am wondering how much difficult it is for my friends who have known her for years, grew up together. For Danny it will be the worst. After all Silver was his best friend.

Now that I think about it, how did none of us notice or realize that Silver missed school so often and for long times. Like starting from few days to even a week and half once or twice. Why did we not question her about it then? Why did none of us go to her home then? I know Danny said he did. But did he though? Or did he just knock, gave the homework and came back? Because he was certain Silver's parents are extremely strict. And they grew up together. I just don't understand how no one knew, no one noticed or even questioned.

It was Wednesday after school when we got the news. Today is Saturday, Silver's funeral is today. Her parents wanted to do it on a weekend, so her friends can come. That's so thoughtful of them. Also, shows they care. About her friends not at all like Danny said they were. Well, yesterday was Homecoming. Needless to say, nobody went to it. From our group, and we heard attendance was pretty low this year. As our principal announced about Silver on Thursday during morning announcement. Many people came to us and gave their condolences, most of them I don't even know. CJ also came to us and gave her condolences. She said she knew Silver but not well, but she will miss her. Her words felt genuine to me. Much more than the others who kept on taunting Silver because of the damn division and now saying sorry. As if it matters. As if any of this makes any sense. Okay, I am pissed.

I got dressed for the funeral and Liz and Tori are accompanying me. The kids will be in daycare. Alex wants to go though, but I didn't think she should. And when I told Tori this, she said she already thought of sending Alex with James. When we reach the Church, I notice my friends are already here. Charlie walks towards me and hooks her arm with me. That felt I don't know warm and weird. Most of our other friends are seated. June is crying in Jake's arms. Alice is staring blankly, and Jeff has gone quiet. Too quiet. I don't think he has spoken more than three sentences since Wednesday at the parking lot.

"So, we will be welcoming people and ask them to go sit." Charlie informs me as she situates us near the entrance. I look at her weirdly. Because shouldn't Danny be the one to do this? "Danny is not here. Nobody can get a hold of him this morning. And you seemed to be capable of holding yourself together. So, you and I are doing this. Also, I do not want Mr. and Mrs. Whitmore to bother anymore, and I want to help them. So, when they suggested I could help with this, I agreed. I just..."