Splicing of Changes

Chapter 64

Its finally prom.

I mean I am excited, happy yet I am sad and afraid. But the last is for a whole another reason. I should just be excited, shouldn't I? After all it is my senior prom. Although it feels surreal. That I am the senior, and I am going to my last high school prom. Like high school will end soon. I guess I knew, I understood but was yet to grasp. A concept so surreal to me till now, well even now that I just cannot grasp it. I am graduating high school. It's not surreal because of me being a bad student. It's actually the opposite, I am just shocked that I am alive and finishing high school. I mean, I have been in one accident, one 'incident' and weirdly I even got shot. And all of these events including the murder of my parents happened all before I even turned 18. Wow. Just wow. So, I guess I am allowed to feel surreal. I don't know. I am too stuck in my mind to contradict myself or accept it.

In a few hours I will be getting ready for my prom. It really does feel weird for me to say this. Like I am giddy for the night, yet I do not want it to arrive. Like I want to enjoy this moment a bit longer. The anticipation of the prom night than the actual prom night. For I am afraid once it starts it will end soon and that I simply do not want to happen. That reminds me I have no idea about this year's prom. Granted this is my senior prom and the juniors have arranged everything. Last year even though I was not in the prom committee, I still helped out along with Lee of course. And hence I had an idea about the extravaganza, but this year. I know nothing. Nada. Zilch. I tried asking and even offered to help but alas I was not allowed to simply because I am a senior. And the juniors are doing this for us, hence all I have to do is get ready and enjoy the night. Not think of anything just relax and have fun. If only it was that easy for me.

This sudden thought of last year made me remember the prom I went to with Diane, as her date, her girlfriend, before everything turned to shit. I remember the night, Diane looking incredible, then our dinner with her friends. Even the dance and the fun we had at the Prom followed by at the party. Everyone being drunk. It was all fun. And it brought a smile to my lips. Even though I also remembered Lee and her behavior then, but I think I know now, why she behaved like that.

Before my brain could think of Lee and go into that path, it went to the path where Diane and me, got a hotel room. And stayed. More like the thing that was going to happen, didn't cause, I stopped it. And now I am worried if history repeats itself. Not that...I am not sure. I just am worried. Then I remembered the talk I overheard during one exam day. Even though it was just some guys as far as I can recall. They were talking about getting rooms on prom night and enjoying with their dates. I also remember hearing a couple planning something for their night. Yeah, I know it sounds creepy that I heard these conversations, but what can I say, I think when you try to avoid something you hear more about it. At least that is what happened to me. And now I am worried.

I mean movies show us that prom night is like a rite of passage and all that shit. Not the actual prom part of the night but the thing that happens afterwards. Even though I know it is movies and these were all other people talking about it. But somehow, I still cannot get rid of the nerves that have settled in the pit of my stomach. And not in a good way. I try to breathe and shake it away, thinking to myself that even if Lee and I are together, she is not even thinking about it. But something tells me it crossed her mind.

After our weird lunch celebrating our end of exams with Olivia and Alice. I was yet to talk to Lee about things from that day. But we were occupied with spending as much time as possible with our friends. As they announced they got their letters from colleges. I cannot say where exactly they are going now, before I may have remembered but not today. Today my mind is a jumble, and only thing I can recall is they are all leaving this place. I think only Jeff is staying in Florida while going to a university in Miami. And the rest are going to different universities, nearby states but not here. Lee has yet to disclose her decision. Even though I think her dad knows I am yet to be informed. I do not mind; I would rather enjoy prom night even with my weird nervousness and then think about her going to college while I stay here.