Futures Unseen (Chasing Titania #2)

Wander

The world is a cold and desolate place. I read that in a book once. I don't know why, in particular, it stuck to me. It's summer. Despite sitting in the animal sanctuary, I can't help but feel cold.

Some of us never grow past our trauma. I feel almost as if time never moved after that war. While my face has changed ever so slightly, while my old teammates have started to have their own children, while I sleep every night and wake every day, I am still stuck in that war. Sometimes, I wake up in a tizzy because I keep seeing him, the way he savagely stole my wings. How he shattered them in front of me.

The part that kept me pixie.

It causes me to think about my other teammates. How have they managed? Alton grew through the worst trauma of his life, absolutely destroying his own body. Kane moved along to go back home, even though he had been disgraced from there. Nox lives every day as a reminder of a clan he had lost. 

Yet I remain here.

I work with animals. It's my Gift. I feel useless. I can't travel. My girlfriend looks at me with sadness. I'm not too fond of the constant pity I receive. I don't wish to be alive any longer.

Yet. I am. I wonder how my fellow old teammates were doing. I saw some of them, but there were a few I hadn't heard from in a long time. 

I turned back to the animals. I supposed it was time to go back home. Another mundane day in and out.

~*~

I awoke in my cabin. The landing on Zannikar had been so rough. I still wasn't sure if I could make it to shore, which wasn't a problem, really. Our ship was fairly cozy, aside from the storage room where I had gotten my leg crushed.

"Finally," a voice bloomed. "You're awake."

I jumped, causing my entire being to seer with pain. I eased myself back down. Why was this particular planet's atmosphere absolutely fucking with me?

"What?" I turned to the voice.

"Hi," they waved. "I came to give you advice."

"About what?" I was lost.

"You know about what," they chuckled before reading me a bit further. "Your relationship. Sorry, I thought that would be obvious."

"Well, I have quite a few problems going on at the moment, thank you."

"You don't remember me, though we went to school together," they stood. "Nostra Damus of the Dedic Plant Fae, I know things."

"Apparently," I nodded. "I've never let slip about my relationship struggles."

Nostra smiled. "I personally don't have sex; my fae generally don't. I do, however, understand how hard it can be to get with someone who doesn't present...heteronormative or cis-gendered aspects that you are used to. I've personally been through it myself."

"How so?" 

"I'm agender," they shrugged. "I have no sex, no gender. My fae don't have your concepts of those things. We simply reproduce asexually. I don't have genitals or hormones. I've had partners in the past, though."

"So..." I thought it over. "How exactly do I get over it?"

"You don't really," Nostra sat on my bed. "You have to learn that your ideal woman isn't a thing. That doesn't mean your partner isn't a girl, but she is a different kind of girl. She still reacts like a girl. She looks like a girl. Touching her doesn't have to be any different than touching your girlfriend. You still find her attractive."

"Hell yeah," I sat up. "She is downright sexy."

"Discuss with her how she would like to do things," they offered. "Perhaps, you'll learn from her how she wants things done to avoid her own dysphoria and still feel good. Personal preference is one of the best ways to feel yourself around in unfamiliar territory."