Losing All But The Fight. (complete) updated.

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Two weeks had passed since Alexandra Grace Trovessa had chosen to depart from our lives. A day less since Elijah Trovessa had scammed his feet back on the streets. Like a ghost Ally made herself disappear leaving behind only a single scrap of notebook paper with her artfully scratched script.

I'm sorry, she says.

She effected everyone she touched.

I love you, she tells him.

Watching the tears break his heart, I felt my own begin to shred. I lost her. I shouldn't have walked away.

I replay the fight so often in my mind it becomes a constant background, leaving me function only enough to push past the guilt over thinking I could have done something different. We had only just begun and not wanting to make things worse I tried to give her time to cool off, for us both to calm down. In the time I gave her she took off surly to the same hell she fought so hard to escape.

Forget me, she tells us.

Impossible.

The efforts between finding Alexandra and beginning to take the family down from the top has been split. Elijah had been keeping his head low. The warrant to bring him in was already activated and the warrants were coming in five a day for the past week alone. Tomorrow I would be leaving with the rest to assist in finding them all, finding her. Vance and a few agents will stay behind with my mother, here, at the farm.

How could we ever forget her?

"Josh?" Vance sat on the bed absently inspecting my freshly packed bags. "You might want to shave before you see her." His voice cracked with the fallen attempt at humor, his heart ache clear.

To lost to shave my usual stubble had grown passed decent. I needed to see her again. I needed to bring her home.

Turning I nodded my agreement, taking in my brother's broken expression. "She loved you too, you know." He broke shaking his head as he dropped it into his hands, his elbows on his knees. "She needs us to come back. She needs you."

Silently, I sat beside my brother. For the past week we had all worked until we couldn't see straight trying to find her, trying to get to her before...before someone else. All paths still conveniently led to Elijah and a warrant was put out for Alexandra as well. Dad's idea. He says it will help her if she needs to explain herself. If she was marked a traitor, daughter or not she was dead.

My heart tightened with the growth of the silence between us. "We'll get her back. I have to bring her home." I couldn't go back to whatever I was before her. Taking a deep breath I scrubbed at my face trying not to break. If I did I knew I would be useless. I had to keep my mind sharp.

My nights had fallen into a cycle of reaching out for her. My dreams sullen with transforming images of being to late, always to late. My Kitten trapped in a box of terror. Her secretly sweet smiles would greet me before the sparkle of her eyes would fade into an image of her death. She deserved so much more than that. Kitten deserved to be greeted with the same beauty in life she was so capable of offering back.

"I love her too, Vance." My eyes burned with the need to release my tears, a knot of sadness and loss tangling in my throat.

The last two weeks had been hard on all of us. We knew enough about Ms. Alexandra Grace Trovessa, our Ally Cat, my kitten. It was what we were sure we didn't know that sunk our shoulders the most.

See there are things that people are never supposed to see, things that aren't meant to be seen. Things that only a small portion of us can see and still hold onto any respect and faith in humanity. Alexandra had been reared in a world of indifferent violence. Where the weak were not loved or cared for but tossed aside, where the strong had to fight constantly to ensure their existence.

Alexandra might not be able to recognize love but that women held a light inside her that could change the world. When she left, accusations flew that she had dragged us all into this for her own revenge against her father. That her credibility was now questionable. That she might have another agenda.

That evening I realized that my constant struggle with my temper was inherited from my father. For a man who displayed such reserve and control he lost it throwing a few punches of his own.

"That child has at least five reasons for everything she does!!" He'd screamed in their faces. "Do you think we could have put all this together without her!! Her helping us makes her a target! She's always been a target!" My father collapsed in his chair and began to sob. "You get my daughter back." He cried. "And you don't question her for what she's had to do to live. I won't lose her again."

I think my father had seen Alexandra as his own for some time. He still saw Ally as the little blonde in pig tales with the haunted eyes. To think it was around the same time he'd taken a job here for more time with us, only to come across a child who though younger than his two boys never really had a chance to be a child, forgotten in a house that sheltered only blood and violence that she already believed she would never escape.

A shadow had fallen over us all with her absence. Though we put all of our energy into the needed steps, my father still sat in a limbo of mourning behind his office doors. My mother tried her best to encourage us to move forward but still she held some of the same emptiness in her heart as my father.

Vance though this is hardest on him has displayed strength not many of us hold. He pushes everyone hard. For him he would be loosing a dear friend, someone he's come to love as a sister, his other half for nearly a year. I wish I had as much faith as he did in her. He pushes with determination and confidence that Ally's going to figure a way out, that we just have to meet her in the middle. We have to meet her half way.

I feel like I've lost my future, like I've lost her future.