Losing All But The Fight. (complete) updated.

Chapter 14.

Chapter 14.

"Are you going to tell me what that was about?" Vance asked me as we stepped off the curb to flag a cab.

"Uh, just some guy I've run into before." I shrugged looking everywhere but Vance. "We didn't really hit it off." I hated lying to him but I wasn't ready yet.

I wasn't about to spill everything when we had all been drinking most of the evening. I'm still not even sure if I can.

"Really?" He gave me a disbelieving tone. He was pissed because I wouldn't tell him the truth.

I raked my hands over my face and groaned turning away from him. "It's not the whole story."

He gave an exasperated sigh and Josh made his way from the entrance to us. Josh narrowed his eyes at me. "Yeah, I figured." He spat out. "I'm doubting I'll every get a whole story from you."

I knew he was only snappy because of drinking and how we left. 

My throat grew tight and my eyes began to sting. I hated this. All I was doing was hurting him by lying to him but by lying I was trying to spare him. Spare him of all the things that hurt me. I wasn't even sure if I was doing the right thing anymore.

You know what? This is Tom's fault. It's not and if he found out I blame him he would probably chuckle at the absurdity and tell me how stubborn I am. He's the one who just had to point out my inability to confide in anyone, well about anything. I thought I was taking baby steps. Maybe I wasn't. I'm a horrible person. Every time I think about coming clean with Vance I think about how much I would really be putting on his shoulders. He should have never met me.

I gave Vance a defeated look. "I'm sorry." I whispered feeling my eyes begin to gloss. I've never felt more sad about the person I have become than I did in that moment.

"Hey! Hey!" Josh interrupted us. "Not tonight. Ok. Both of you just drop it until another time." He squeezed his brothers shoulder as the cab pulled up and opened the door.

Vance got in first and Josh patiently held open the door for me to climb in the middle. "Come on, Ally." He gave me a look I couldn't read but it was still warm enough that I could tell he wasn't as upset with me as his brother.

I slid in after a minute so the cabby wouldn't end up impatient. Vance didn't look at me. Instead his focus stayed glued out the window. With every mile we traveled the more I felt disappointed in myself, the more I felt like I didn't do anybody any good by being here.

As I got out, when we made it back, I quickly brushed away the only tear to escape. Josh stood again holding the door open. Vance got out on the other side and walked upstairs, still upset with me. The yellow cab pulled away and left Josh and I standing alone on the sidewalk. Vance had already disappeared up to his brother's apartment.

"Ally?" For a minute there I forgot Josh was still standing beside me, until his voice broke through. He gave me a sad look and pulled me into a hug. I was surprised by the action but soon found it way to comfortable to not enjoy it. He rubbed my back. "You two will work it out." He pushed me back so he could see my face. "Ok. Vance loves you like you're family. Family forgives each other."

That. Those words. They were to much I didn't think the kind of forgiving I would need would be something Vance could give me.

I shook my head and pulled away. "I wish it was as easy as just forgiving each other." I did.

The morning was tough. I hadn't slept all that much the night before. Vance stayed with his brother and was long gone by the time I left my apartment.

I reached the gym early enough to get in a good work out and after a long hot shower in the locker, I spent the majority of the remaining time in the locker room. That's where Tom found me. He's made a point to make everyone of my matches with the exception of one.

"You ready for your fight?!" He walked into the locker room trying to get me pumped up. Rick was close behind him and they both came to a stop at the end of the row of lockers.

"Lex, baby?" Rick cooed. "You ain't got nothin to worry about." I gave him a board face. 

That's not why I was moping with my but on the floor and my back against the locker, with a smoke in my hand. I gave it a disgusted look and shoved it in the mostly empty gas station coffee cup on the floor beside me. I don't even smoke. I just needed something else to concentrate on. The only conclusion I've made is that I couldn't make a smoke rings if my life depended on it.

"Rick." Tom spoke. "Give us a minute." Ricky's feet shuffle out the door and Tom sat on the bench looking down at me. "What's going on?"

"Huh," I let my head fall against the locker. "Well I ran into that first guy I fought here. You know the sore looser?" He nodded with a hum of understanding. "I was out at a bar with the the other guy I "trust" and his brother. They didn't hear all of the fight and it happened on the way out. Well he asked me to explain and I couldn't really..." I began to ramble. "Because if I explained how that...then I would have to explain this." I gestured and waved a hand at the locker room and he got that I meant the gym, the fighting. "And if I explain this...then I'll have to explain more. I didn't want to do it last night and I don't know if I should still. Funny thing is I blame you for making me feel even guiltier about it. You and your talking about feelings and trust and me finding what's best. You know what! You suck!" I threw up my hands.

Tom's chuckle as if my irrational blame on him was expected and it filled the locker room. "You're not mad at me." He gave me a pained look.

I huffed and crossed my arms. "Yeah, but I wanna be. I just don't feel like I'm any good for anybody."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." He pulled me up and rubbed my shoulders out to get me loose for the fight. "If you trust him and you say he's like the brother you never had then let him make the choice."

Yeah except the brother I do have would kill him without a second thought.

Rick popped back in and smiled seeing me more relaxed. "Are you good now? You don't have to fight."

"Shut up, Ricky." I teased. "I've been waiting to beat on somebody all day."

He cracked up laughing and tossed me the tape for my hands. "You know I love your sweet talk."

We all laughed together and I felt a little lighter. I was ready now.

"I'll grab you when it's time." Rick informed me the same way he always did. I nodded and he left. Tom squeezed my shoulders out again before leaving me knowing I liked the calm before a fight.