Losing All But The Fight. (complete) updated.

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Quickly passing by Vance in the hall, I did my best to brush off his concern. I couldn't handle it right now. My time was slipping and the looks he's been giving me says he sees it too, despite his optimistic denial.

I wasn't so optimistic.

Everything I was made of had been running on high gear for so long that I was starting to feel it like I was coming down off of some filthy drugs. The need to get my mind off of things made me yearn to be able to step foot back in the ring, to shut off, wash it all away on some nameless cocky fighter.

Being here, doing it this way...It was making me go weak. Couldn't afford weak.

The bedroom door clicked open and I whirled around. My anger still there without a channel, an out, life Why did it have to be Josh I had to face right now? "Not now, Josh." I shook my head walking to the window. I didn't want to take my anger out on him. Not him. Not Josh.

He didn't speak but let his feet carry himself farther into the room. My temper flared. "Why?!" I demanded of him. Why did he choose me? Why me? I wasn't healthy for him and he knew it. I knew it. What did I have to give anyone else but pain and an expiration date? I had nothing in me to give. A child born of blood and destruction to bring hell down on everyone I touched.

Josh's face soften and he stepped forward. "No!" I snapped at him, backing up. A moment of regret quickly passed when his eyes showed sadness. It passed. "Don't! I'm no good for anyone!" My voice raised. "You're a fool, Josh! Your fun is over. I will do nothing but get you all killed. I can't take your family down with me, only mine."

Josh's broke into four long strides pushing me up against the wall. Rage filled his eyes, a muscle jumping in his jaw, breath against my lips as he searched my eyes. "Do you think this is just fun for me?!!" His voice harsh with accusation I pushed him back but he slammed me against the wall again. I couldn't find a willing bone in my body that would hurt him just to get away.

"I'll make you let me go. Your choice." I bluffed.

The muscle popped in his jaw again, his beautiful crystal green blue eyes burned with fire into my own. "Why don't you let me decide what risks I'm willing to take?" His tone was hard. "I take risks every day. I put on my vest for a job and pick up a gun. I'm completely aware of what I'm doing!!"

I frantically pushed him away using all of my force. "Your job!!! So your just the insurance?! Nice tactics. You get all you needed?" I screamed at him feeling betrayed. How did I not see it coming?

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" He screamed, outraged.

"I get it. I do. Just leave me alone." I clenched my fist against the returning feeling of being drained.

"I don't think you do." Josh slammed the door hard enough, it should have popped off the frame on his way out. Panic washed over me before I slid to the floor in idol stare at his point of retreat. I'd done it. I'd pushed him away and welcomed the pain that would save his life.

Standing up I collected myself. All I was to them was meat on a hook. I didn't have anything to loose now. Grabbing a scrap of paper I hastily scratched away with a dying pen.

Vance~

I'm sorry. I love you.

Forget me.

~Alexandra Grace Trovessa

There wasn't anything left. I've lost it all. I couldn't cry about it anymore. It just was.

This was my life and no one would ever know.

Sorting through the trunk and my bag, the vest was the first thing I slipped on before grabbing as much as I could easily move with. Throwing my jacket over top I was relieved that I'd already been suited up in my denim and luck boots.

Calmly I looked through the curtain and then picked up the hacker tablet Anderson had gifted me with. The cameras weren't all up yet. One gap left. I slid it into my jacket and zipped the panel pocket and crawled out on the roof. All or nothing.